Thanks Teke. I see my own feelings in alot of your posts. I've had some of the same converstions with my AH. I too, tell him Jails not supposed to be fun. It's not supposed to be comfortable. You're not supposed to want to come back. etc. I think my problem is I've believed in him everytime he went to rehab (3 times) because he'd tell me he'd changed. Now I hear the same thing, but I don't buy it anymore. I want to see actions not words.
CMC, Continued prayers for your son's medical issues. Glad life is getting back to normal for you. Even with the little things that go on with my AH now, it feels so good to be normal at home.
Dakota, what about the next episode in the story you were telling us? Check in when you have a little time.
Update on me ...
Went to see AH Sunday for our monthly visit. Took youngest daughter with me. After he went on & on about the writing thing for 20 min. we had a decent visit. He turns 40 this week. I mailed him a card with some recent pictures of the kids & me. He does seem to be doing better than I give him credit for. His mother sends him $ every couple weeks. For the past 4 times she's sent $, he would take $10 to the man who orders tennis shoes there, until he had enough to order a pair of shoes. The past 3 visits, he's had crafts that he'd made, to send home with us. For the kids, for me, for my parents, and my granny. They build things with rolled up newspaper, rolled tiny, cut into about 2 inch sections, then glued together, then stained with instant coffee.(looks like wood varnish). He's made a couple gazebos, a jewelry box, a picture frame, a log cabin for my son with a fireplace inside complete with a little fish on the wall. He says he feels so much love inside now and he loves spending the time to build us things to show that. He says hes never felt that feeling of love inside before.
I want to believe in him, but I'm scared of being let down again. I know I can't go back to the old way of life of living with an active addict. For now, I'll just take it one day at a time.