Sickofit,
I could still remember the feeling when I found out my exAH cheated. I felt total shock-how could this be, why me, how could he do this!! Then I came to SR & meetings & realized that alot of addicts cheat and the people they cheat with are addicts too-why else would they hang around with them. That still didn't make me feel any better. I thought if he just gets into recovery, he will realize what he has done. He makes excuses and blames the oxy's for his actions. I believe him because some addicts cheat. 2 months later he gets into recovery & I take him back. Then I find out that he is still talking to her because he feels bad for how much he hurt her. I find out & the shock of this is even more than 1st realizing he was cheating. We went to marriage counseling to save a long marriage with 3 children. I really tried to get over the past hurts & lies, but I just couldn't. I filed for divorce & try to never look back. He was devasted-how could you do this to me?? Most Addicts whether in recovery or not, really believe that because they are clean, everyone should forgive their actions. Their actions hurt their loved ones so deeply that there is no turning back.
My heart goes out to what you are going through. For me, addiction and then cheating was my bottom.
The hardest part was what do I do with MY life without him. I went to more & more meetings, made new friends & read every book I could on codependency & addiction. I went out & did things-even if that meant a coffee in Barnes & Noble & a book. I did not sit home-if I felt sad-I had my own pity party and went out somewhere. I would type on SR.
Things will get better!! They have too. Life may seem like an all time low, but you are strong & will survive this. Be positive, don't let an addict bring you down!!
My AH left 1 year ago-he is now 2 years clean and I still don't regret my decision. I am happy, my home is peaceful and my life has just begun at 43.
PM me anytime if you want.
I can feel your pain & shock. Hugs & prayers that you find peace & serenity in your life
Sandi