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Old 03-25-2007, 08:18 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Hangin' In
Southern through and through
 
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Paula,

Just read through your entire thread. I'm sorry you are in the situation you are in, but glad you are feeling a bit stronger this a.m. That's how early recovery goes....recovery for us...up one day, down another. Kind of just like what the addict goes through. BUT...the good news is it can get better for you. I wish I could tell you that there is somethinng, some magic pill you could give your daughter and she just instantly get it. Oh, that is sure what I wanted for me and my AD. But I learned, through Al Anon meetings, and this board about those 3 C'sn about my daughter's addiction: didn't CAUSE it, can't CURE it, and can't CHANGE it. Also we can't control them. Lord knows I tried.

From this mom to you, I say you're doing what I would do. I've been down that path of letting them come home to live and it was a nightmare. I had a front row seat to her addiction and I don't want to ever be in that position again.

I also paid bills, saved her, yada yada yada. But thank goodness, I learned that I was only helping her to stay in her addiction..that's called enabling...by taking responsibilty from her that she should have handled all along.

And I agree with the others and I'm glad you see it to. Slap a "For Sale" sign on that auto and get yourself out of some of that debt. And remember the lesson.

You daughter has to find her own path. I know I, as a mother, wanted so badly to tell my daughter, to help my daughter, to get her to GET IT, but when I spoke, she checked out and didn't listen. The people in my Al Anon group told me that...that if and when she "got it", it would come from someone other than me. And they were right.

Heard a good example the other day. If I had cancer, would I want to talk to people who have never had cancer, take their advice on how to deal with it, what to do, where to go for help? Of course not. I would listen to the ones who had walked in the shoes of a cancer patient. Same goes for our addicted loved ones and us. When they are ready (very important words there..they have to be ready) they will listen to someone who has something they want...sobriety. And the same goes for us...the moms, spouses, etc, who want to help, fix (that's a codie). I now go to Al Anon meetings twice a week to listen to those who are making it even though addiction has touched their lives. They give me hope. I hope you'll try to find meetings in your area. I know they have really helped me.

And prayers for you and your daughter. I pray that your daughter will make a good choice re the 1/2 house. But if she doesn't, realize that her higher power has the plan. And there's nothing you can do to make her surrender to that plan. But there is something you can do to help yourself. I hope you'll keep coming back and find a meeting near you.

Hugs,
Hangin' In
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