i havent spoken to my father for several years, the only contact ive really received from him in the last few years were guilt trip letters and photos of himself on my birthday. i made the choice when i realised at 13 that he was never going to change and was always going to see me and my family as the problem rather than his own two hands, he still hasnt changed but thats his loss and his shite, not mine. hes an alcoholic (well thats the label) but hes also a sociopath, rapist and violently disturbed person which really shook my trust and faith in humanity to the core and robbed me of a healthy upbringing. i think the alcohol and drug abuse he did to himself resulted in his madness and treatment of myself and my other family members to be so traumatic and cruel. still, he gave me an experience of what not to be, an experience of what to avoid. i choose to never see him and dont want to ever see him again for the rest of my life, ive made it clear and will againif needs be to other family members that i will not be at any event even a wedding i dont care if he is there. and i will never let my children be in his presence, i will never keep my mouth shut to future partners of my sister if they have kids and my father could be near them because he is a psychopathic madman and i am not exaggerating though it can always feel that way when my life was the horror telemovie i denied it was all those years, i think its important to always put first the value someone places on you as a human and as a beautiful child of god/the universe/the flying spaghetti monster....to put that first before any family ties, to relieve any guilt or shame out of a sense of owing because you dont owe anyone anything and noone owes me anything. but i have the power to shape my own life and the right to decide what sort of people i want in my life. THE CHOICE is always mine now that i am an adult. i still see my mother and sister and even though there are issues there of insensitivity, intense denial and sometimes hurtful verbal behaviour i feel loved and respected as a human and choose to be with them by practicing detachment and using my program and Faith. it helps to have good friends, some of which ive found in recovery to fill that void of lost parents and family. there are needs which have to be met, some stay frozen but most can be healed through reaching out, through meetings, through the gift of sponsorship and above all through learning to really know and love yourself which will nourish you more than any absent caregiver in your life ever could. peace and love.
oh yes and also find some time to lighten up and laugh cos this stuff is serious hardcore stuff. so with y'all