personal bias
since coming to sr i've really tried to approach addiction with an open mind - when i first came here it was because my 17 yr old son was in an intensive outpatient program that was court ordered because of a dui - the program was incredibly helpful to me in particular - it helped my son as well but i do not honestly think he is/was an addict - my husband on the other hand has a problem with alcohol - it was never a problem until my son was in his iop and we decided we would not have alcohol in the house - no beer, wine, liquor, etc - not a problem for me but for my husband it was - he was drinking those little bottles of alcohol and lying about it - he was never alcohol dependant but lying about it was a serious problem - and then i gained custody of my two lil nephews because of my sisters addiction to crack - my nephews are 2 and 4 yrs old and in a month and a week my sister has never called to talk to them - we don't know if she is alive or dead because after filing a missing person report the police located a tape of her leaving a hotel with her boyfriend and closed the case - i think i've had the opportunity to experience *addiction* in just about every shape and form - does it make me an expert? - hardly - the more you learn the less you know...
i've experienced more anger in the last month than i have ever experienced in my life - i told my sister at one point last summer when she was staying here that if she and her boyfriend wanted to kill themselves that was one thing but i would NOT let anything happen to these kids - she has older boys who are now living with their dad's - a 17 year old who just went to jail in florida - and an 11 and 8 year old who are coming with my mom next weekend to visit their brothers - the lil guys dad is my sisters bf - i often wondered if they (sister and bf) just had enough of a spine to say no than we wouldn't be in this mess - my son didn't have a problem not drinking or smoking pot after he had to go to court and go through this program - my husband stopped with the little bottles - but not without some hard fought battles on both of our parts - and i ihave a feeling those battles will be ongoing but we will deal with them - my sisters issues baffle me - a true addict - it boggles my mind how drugs become more important than children - but that is why i am intrigued by this show addiction - i really want to try to understand - really...
there was a dr. who said that addiction is not about not having enough willpower to just say no - an addicts frontal lobe just doesn't have that capacity - if two people tried the same drug and experienced the same euphoria a normal person would think - hmm that was interesting and be done with it - an addict can't stop himself from doing the drug - and the more the addict uses the drug the more his brain chemistry is permanently altered - the explanation of replacement therapy in regards to opiates was intriguing to me - it really made sense when this dr. in maine explained it - he was leading a group of young people - he explained how your brain makes opiates to deal with pain etc. - when you use opiates your brain stops producing them on it's own - when you stop using drugs your body has no backup of opiates and when you've used for a long time it takes your body a really long time to start producing opiates again - that's why an addict relapses so often - not only did they sto p using and producing opiates there body is having to deal with no way make them feel better like a normal person and its tenfold - i still hvae a problem with why? - why an addict who has gone into recovery would go through it all over again but that's another post i suppose - for now it's beginning to make a little sense to me though...
i will try to suppress my anger at my sister for what shes done to these little guys - the anger subsides but then i'm only human so if i do talk to her i don't know what i'll say - but at least i've learned a bit about this - addiction i mean - still trying to understand and no where near ready t0 accept - but trying - for everyones sake...
love,
s