It is nice to read your post and hear how much you already know.
I do have a tendency to disappear into the relationship to the neglect of my own life.
It is great that you've learned to identify this in yourself and that right now you have taken a step back to see what is going on with your relationship. The tools and information we get from Al Anon are really there for us throughout our lives when we see our codependent behaviors coming back.
Set your boundaries (like you've done about your house) and stay firm in them. They will test every one you set. You do not have to make his problem yours. You already sound like you are doing great!