Gwen, I am so sorry for all the probs you had. I don't know the whole story, but your words stuck out: "My heart really hurts and I can't take it anymore."
Been there so many times and the only thing that got me through was knowing that the universe or my HP never gives me anything that I am not capable of handling...even when I totally disagree :-)
Sending hugs and prayers your way...
Love, SM