We are all control freaks Babs. Every last one of us. Control in our lives promotes order, and order is disorders opposite so we strive to achieve it. When we live in a world of such disorder, with beliefs that we can not change 'the big picture, we tend to obsess over the smaller things. Compulsive behaviors start. I mean who the hell wants a life where they feel out of control of their destiny, no one. So then it becomes imperitive to at least promote the illusion in ones mind that control is in their hands.
Remember people have many other reasons and objectives for controling people places and things but here is an example that supports the above. Pip comes from an extreamly religious family with strict and rigid beliefs. She was brought up in a house where opinion and debate were of no use, as their growth had been completed through their belief system, and there was no room for change. There was always one answer for any question asked. With no avenue to question ideas and unable to except their answers, she became inward and closed. She shared a room with her two year older sister who was an extreamly high emotion person and bullied her into corners.
Now a sister with all sibling control, and parents who gave no outlet for escape, she was forced her inward for answers, and she created an illusion in her mind of control. My wife has OCD but not in all three senses. Because she had no control over people or place, she obsessed over things. Everything in our home is in order. Everything is counted in her mind to the point she knows how many bars are on the verandah handrail. This is no exageration. She needs to have that sence of control and when lifes problems come and she is stressed out, feeling out of control, she imiediatly starts vacuming and obsesing over the small things in life. The things within her grasp. Nothing in our home can ever be out of place or she will feel power less. I am really speaking in past tense of her as she has improved beyond belief but the tendancies are still obvious. An instance would be of resent when family comunications started for her, well their wasnt a speck of dust in our house. She bussied her mind, putting a blockage to the things that worried her. Being bussy stoped speculation which lessened her anxiety.
My wife never ever seeks to control me or any other. As a fatter of fact, by childhood dynamic, she has never learnt to control things out of her tangible grasp. It makes her such a beautiful unmanipulative human being. She has no skills to look outside of herself for control so she has no idea how to do it. The problem is, is that she also does not read people manipulating her. She is easily read and easily controled, if you know how her mind dynamics work. I on the other hand am extreamly manipulative and very receptive of others, so she leans on me in this department. A co-dependancy starts. This is a little closer to the answer for my brother as to what he gets from the tragic relationship he is still in. There is a balance to all of this that one must find in regards to control in your own life. I will make an attempt to finish the other tale of terror in my next post as I have gone on too long yet again.
Remember that all I write is only my interpritation of the people around me and not solid concrete fact. It is only my understanding only.
dakotaboyd