Why do I always feel to blame?
Today was even worse than yesterday. My AH is still in rehab by the graces of my HP. He called me today with his social worker because he wants out tomorrow. He was there for 2 days and feels he has all the tools to live a clean life after 15 years or chewing and snorting anything he could ever get his hands on. I told the social worker I thought he needed more time under his belt before getting out and he totally flipped out on me turning it all around. He goes on to say that we need help with our communication, that I need help and that he thinks he should go to his mothers when he gets out- she won't take him! After this horrible phone call I could barely breathe. I asked the social worker if I could talk to her after and he said no. 30 seconds later she called me back saying he was ok with her calling me. He flipped out on the phone call because she said that he manipulates everyone and he could not stand to hear it. The only reason he is in rehab is b/c of me and my kids. He told me that. This is his first time he has ever agreed to go in 15 years!
Of course the codie in me went crazy and I felt like I HAD to talk to him so I called the phone at the rehab and some guy answered. I asked for AH and I heard him call for him and then I heard AH say tell her I'm not here. Then the loser hung up on me!!! I lost my mind!! So now I am being strong and not picking up the phone to call him. If he doesn't want to talk to me then why should I worry about him? Besides even if he does get on the phone he is obviously not in a good place right now. I am just so upset by all of this!
Thanks for listening to my rant!!!