i don't know about pot, i think its addictive period. these days there is no telling what kind of chemicals that pot is laced with first of all. then i heard that it was like a gateway drug. just curious, are you sure that its only pot he's smoking. i agree with iamunigue, most people seem to think that pot is basically harmless but i'm not one of them, sorry.
i believe that at first its a choice but to someone that has crossed over to the addictive side, it eventually becomes like a need for the addict. the mind seems to think that it need that substance to function.
i struggle with the trust issues too, i've decided to allow time to tell me what i need to know. i decided that i didn't have to know all the how, whats, whens, and the wheres, i just know that i have to continue to keep the focus on me and allow him to do the same. i have to stay aware. i guess i stop putting so much effort into worring about my marriage for now, its time for me to find healing for me and i know it is impossible to do, as long as you have to relive the past, it gets kind of hard to get over the past.
i guess the best that i can say is that i decided (once my addict began to show recovery), that he was not in his right mind at the time that he was doing all those things, not to excuse him of his actions, but i had to find a way to forgive him. have you gone to any meetings yet? have you found a sponsor who can help you work the steps, i found that working the steps was a key tool, that helped me in forgiving and letting go of the resentments. it all takes time.
ohhhhhhhhhh, i'm sorry, i think i may have got off into rambling. you are welcome to pm me anytime and i hope some of this makes sense.