Had a possitive weekend
So...this weekend my good friend held a B-day party for her son. I had considered not going but I have known this boy from the time he was a toddler so I decided to go. It was so very refreshing. I finally felt like a person agian. It felt good to be amoungst (after being isiolated for months & dealing with the shame and resentment that comes with the aggressive behavior of my alcoholic father and the depressive and emotionally dependant behavior of my co-dependant mother) friends and just talk and have a day of "normalcy". I felt like a young adult for the first time in a long time. I got a good feeling from it that has left me with possitive feelings all this week. Things seem like they are actually looking up. I sent my resume in for a Job that I am qualified for & which pays well. Just a bit of time out of my toxic situation....a few hours....and my whole mood changed. Its funny how all of the largest problems make me feel stagnant and paralized - but the simpliest thing made me feel so invigirated and refreshed. I guess the point of this story is to take some time to do something for your self....even if it is just having time with a friend.....and it might do you some good. I almost didn't go because I was feeling very down - and tend to isiolate myself when I feel like a "loser" - but I am glad I did. It's funny...something simple....like a quick visit with a friend(something normal people do weekly/daily) can be so validating. When I felt my worst...I still had people who were happy to see me...who didn't view me through "sick" eyes....and who accepted me and enjoyed my company.....it made me feel quite good. I wasn't Megan the ACOA.....I was just Megan.
We made plans to get together this weekend - and I have plans with my cousin & her good friend ( my friend by association - The 3 of us do things together alot) for St. Particks day....and a volunteer orientation training on Sunday for a non-profit org that I am going to be volunteering with. I am going to be busy ( I hate being "idle"). Baby steps....baby steps. Hopefully soon I will be able to detach from this situation, find long term satisfying employment, a solid place to live, and be able to handle my life. I am a way away from that now though....but baby steps. I took a posters advice and started doing little things for myself. I have been cleaning the house, making sure that laundry is done daily, taking better care of myself and my body(which isin't in bad shape anyway I'm a vegetarian and eat fairly healthy), started doing my pilaties agian. Just taking little baby steps to get my self into a possitive routine. These are things that normal people are able to do for themselves routinley...but something that I have to train myself & teach myself to do over a period of time. I am going to have to climb my way up but I am finailly taking those first baby steps after being paralized for well over a year.....I just hope I don't fall agian....the falls are always so crushing.