I'm so sorry for all you've had to go through because of addiction.
It's a peculiar human thing that we're capable of such a range of emotions......we can be furious at someone, ready to kill them, but still have a lot of sympathy for the situation they find themselves in (like an addict).
It's what we're stuck with, as people. Don't fault yourself.....but do all you can to minimize the damage he's done to you. God rest his soul...but more importantly, may god look after the living.
Hugs,
GL