You are in my thoughts and prayers...
If possible take a breather from the chaos that will soon be yours to face and mourn the loss of someone you loved...
the addict is responsible for this pain to you ....
in the same way that any sick person leaves behind things to be settled
(not sure if that attitude helps you but thinking of addicts as sick people who are hurting is the only way I can process all that addiction does to us.....)