this past week has probably added up to one of my worst ever......and just when i think i can't take it....i say a few prayers and my god given strength just fills me up..........i know that your prayers have helped.......prayers cause miracles.......i have been a witness to that many times.......
my mama lived probably 11 yrs that were a miracle....she had two congestive heart failures and cancer.......she had deadly high blood pressure and her kidneys were failing for years......my aunt toni is diabetic, and was morbidly obese for most of her life.....she lost a leg last year and moved to a nursing home for rehab.....and her other foot began to slowly die.....they told her at least she would lose toes, probably eventually the whole foot......well, i told her a story i heard about christopher reeves......he had an ulcer in his leg, and it was getting progressively worse.....they were certain it was only a matter of time before he lost his leg......so he was resigned to lose the little hope he had left of walking again, when he began to pray and ask for prayers.....and he sat on his balcony each day, looking at the beautiful view, and spent hours visualising his leg healing....seeing his body fight off the infection.....willing his immune system to be strong.....seeing his leg whole and well.....and in three months, thanks to his faith, doctors, and hope.....his leg was healed....his doctors called it a miracle.....because it was impossible....
i told the story to toni and, while she already had more faith than anyone i know.....she began to meditate and visualize herself healed....and last weekend my aunt toni WALKED into my house.......she has a beautiful prosthesis.....it almost looks real....and her foot that was dying is healed.....sophie said "toni's leg grew back on her!!!"and my poor nephew was on my lap when she took it off....i have never seen such a horrified look on a four year old's face.....lol....he will probably need therapy.......and uncover that memory in hypnosis when he is 40.....the time the scary old lady tore her own leg off.....lol...
wednesday was 9 months since my mother's death......i don't think some of you know the meaning the numbers 11 11 have for me, but she saw those numbers her whole life......her birthday was jan 11 and she died at 11:00...and she lived 11 months with stage four lung cancer.....and 11 yrs after her first congestive heart failure.......much longer than she was expected to live, both times.....
i asked my friends on the mommy thread to light a candle for my mama at 11:11 that night......and it turned into a candlelight vigil for all those we had loved and lost.......well, i was on the phone with one of my mom's best friends, my aunt maggie.....and at 11:11 she and i were lighting our candles.....and tam posted the serenity prayer on our thread, so i said 'quick....tell me a prayer' at the same time that maggie said 'love you nancy'......just then my phone died......it was awesome.....i got chills and i cried.........
then later that night i was singing a song for my mom 'close your eyes' and i decided to record it.....well i tried many times and was not happy with how it sounded.......and when i was finally happy with one of them i looked down and my camera/ mp3 player/ voice recorder showed 11/11.....it was the 11th recording of 11 saved......
tonight mike was driving home and a truck was driving a little too slow in front of him.......he got annoyed and moved up to pass him......and the license plate was NM 1111......my mom's initials and her number.....lol...he played the lottery.....i love the little messages she sends us.....
i had 11 beautiful months with my mother.....that is my miracle....
she was my best friend......that is my miracle.....
she still is.....that is my miracle.....
i am sober....that is my miracle....
i am a mother....that is my miracle.....
i am alive.....that is my miracle.....
the sun is shining and spring is coming.....that is my miracle....
sophie is smiling....that is my miracle....
my husband is a good man.....that is my miracle.....
my boys are smart and funny....just like me....hehe.....that is my miracle....
i carried life inside of me and when i gave birth to my babies i also gave birth to a better woman....that is my miracle.....
after the week i have had i am full of love and hope again.....that is my miracle....
my house is full of children.....8 of them....and i am still sane....that is my miracle.....
i have found all of you and this wonderful place where i have made too many friends to keep up with.....after i had sworn to myself never to open my heart to be hurt again......that is my miracle....
i believe.....that is my miracle
hugs and much love
ayla
