Whoa! That's some load you've got there! Well, I live by the motto that if you dig for dirt and find dirt then you deserve all the pain that comes with it. Sorry to sound harsh but put yourself in his shoes though you may not think he deserves his privacy for all he's put you through, how would you feel if he violated your privacy? It's obvious that there's a serious lack of trust here that I imagine stems from his having an addiction. However, he now can't trust you either and you are guilty of having sunk to his level of lies and secrets.
Ultimately without trust or respect in this marriage it cannot survive. The damage may very well be irreparable. Perhaps you should seriously consider leaving the marriage. I'm not trying to depress you but it's highly unlikely that you'll be able to stop obsessing over what your husband may or may not be doing. That is, unless you can learn to redirect your attention to more healthy endeavors. Like realizing that your worthy of happiness, mutual love, respect and trust. You deserve a good life even if it means you have to create one for yourself.
As for your being upset, that's a natural reaction. You do have the right to be upset because he's your husband and you suspect that he might be trying to start something illicit with this woman. However, you are responsible for being in the state of emotions you're in. I certainly don't condone his behavior but you might want to take this as a lesson learned. Of course, you should confront him about it if you find it terribly upsetting else it'll just fester inside you and grow into something worse.
My suggestion to you as a future reference. Don't go throw his things. Dirt has a way of resurfacing on its own without any investigation on your part. Trust that God has a way of handling these things and people who deserve what's coming to them. What goes around comes around. You're better than that. I am terribly sorry though that you are having to experience this and I hope you can come out of it a stronger, wiser person. Remember that bad times don't last forever. You're stronger then you think and that when you're ready to make a move, you will. Best wishes
