my hubby of 21yrs is the addict in my life and i know your concerns and fears oh so well. my rah is just out of rehab, 3mos clean, i think, and it has not been an easy ride. we spent most of those yrs seperated off and on, due to boundaries that i set for me. i have a trust issue too. sr, i thought i was
i had to learn to accept the facts that goes along with addiction and then decide for myself, what direction i wanted to go in concerning the relationship. i chose to allow my rah the chance to try and rebuild the trust that was lost due to his addictive behavior, but i'm also prepared to stick to set boudaries.
by trying to work on me and what is best for my life, i'm learnig to take the focus completely off of him and allow him to live his life however he chooses as long as i don't allow his choices to affect me and my life. i understand that there is nothing that i can do to help him stay clean that its his choice alone.
i accepted the fact that relapse is always a possibility and that there is always the chance of those old addictive behavior resurfacing without a warning. today, i don't obsessed about him and his addiction like in the past. i was told to expect the worse when it comes to relapse but hope for the best. having no expectation about my ah sobriety has worked for me so far.
i can say that it can get better if you chose to stay in the relationship but it is very important that you continue to focus on you and what you need to do for you and allow her to do the same. i think that the choice is yours, and maybe its time for you to seriously think about what you are contemplating here. it can be done i think but it will take time, lots of time and effort on her part and yours.
for me, time out for words. i need to see some action. in my opinion, i think that maybe you don't have to make any decision right now, you'll know when you know, just what it is that you should do to protect you from more hurt and disappointment.
don't know it you would call it success, for me, its way too soon to tell, but today, things are not as bad or as scary for me like it use to be. i think that it depends on the choices that we both make for our lives seperately.
maybe i'm just rambling here too. so i dont' know, but i think that all things are possible. i'm a recovering addict, and if i had to place bets on me the recovering addict, i would that the chance with me if i wanted to, but i'm being partial to myself, but if i had to advice someone else, i'd have to say that maybe you want to ask yourself a few questions. what do you expect out of this relationship with an addict? is this what you want the rest of you life to be like? are you willing to take the chance?
there are a lot of couples that end up doing really well. if i knew back then before i got married, i can't say that i would have done it anyway but i don't know how far i would have gone with it. its your decision, and we'll support you in whatever way you decide to go with this. keeping you in my prayers.