Oh, giving, I really feel for you in this.
It sounds as though you've worked so hard on your own recovery. Literally, I was wide-eyed reading your description of how you've handled the last year or so, because you've worked a program to a T and I'm awestruck.
I'm sorry you're stuck in this confusing place, though. I was one of the lucky ones.....after trying to fight it out within the relationship (not literally) for years, I finally found the strength to put some distance between me and my XABF, and in that distance I found clarity....and found that I no longer had strong feelings for him. As I said, lucky.
It sounds as though you've NOT found that clarity in your distance, and so I am at a loss for any advice to give. What do you feel your motivation is for wanting to be with your AGF at this juncture? To have the closeness? To avoid the ickiness of dating? (I hate it, personally) To try to gain back a certain feeling you had about yourself (or her) when you were healthy together? Are your motives pure, do you think, or are they cluttered with other kinds of fear that don't have to do with her?
I don't know the right answer in your situation, but I am sending you a big wave of hope, strength, and love for yourself, in the hopes that it will help you find your journey's next steps.
Love,
GL