For me with my AD I had to first detach with anger. I had no contact with her for about 3 months. It was because I was working through my anger. I don't believe that it is healthy for the codie or the addict to be together in anger. Also I had to start to feel good about my boundaries. Also my expectations which caused a lot of resentment when she did not do things my way was a problem with me. I could not work through my issues and maintain a relationship with her at the same time. I needed the space that "no contact" gave me. I am in a better place both emotionally and physically now to have limited contact with her and be able to love her without trying to control or fix her. Marle