in an amazingly good coincidence I have an appointment with my therapist this afternoon. here is another irony in all this, he calls me when I get home and says he is worried that I am so unhinged that I am not safe from myself and that if I even begin to think that I might harm myself I should call him. He says he couldn't live with himself if that happened. I ask him "how can you be nice to me?"....someone at some point told me something they read in an al-anon book about how being involved with an alcoholic brings out our worst character flaws. Guess I really proved that to myself.