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Old 03-06-2007, 09:45 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
liesagain
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
I think that one thing some do not consider with the whole............."let go, and sit back and wait and see if they hit bottom and come back'" senerio is this............
with your child, expecially an adult child, when they get to the bottom and when they are able to bring themself back.....they return to your life Your child that never changes...no matter what they do, where they are or who their with............
NOT SO with a spouse............
After all is said and done, it matters directly to the relationship as husband and wife, where they go, what they do and who they are with.............the behavior and actions of the addict can and often DO destroy the relationship the marriage.................so when they are done.theres nothing left to come back to, and in the meantime the spouse has lost the companion the emotional support and the financial support/assistance of their partner...........

The fact is..........parent child husband wife son dauther brother sister mother father...............addiction hurts us all there is no measure of the pain, or grief or havoc that is part of addiction...............

Detachment (for me) is whatever it takes for ME, today to be okay............... today it may mean not checking his cell phone .......who knows what it could mean in the future..........one day it could mean I have to walk away..................just like with a parent today it could mean saying no to requests for cash.............and later it could mean saying no to a place to live and the need for the parent to not walk away......but to turn their back.... I believe the "amount" of detachment depends 1st on us individually based on our need to "protect" ourself emotionally, financially and sometime physically and 2nd it depends on our addict and they depths of their abuse of drugs and where that takes them.

the lies,stealing,cheating and even physical assult is not limited to any one side(parent/spouse) just as addiction is not limited to the poor or one race or sex.................so detachment to some degree becomes necessary for us all at some point and to some degree as we deal and learn to cope with addiction................

Addiction ruins lives.....................and detachement is more about limiting the damage in your life than it is about Leaving or staying.........
Just my opinion
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