If all we can do is WAIT, then the question is...
... how long are you willing to wait?
For parents, while we wait, we receive (generally) from our spouses:
Social support
Financial support
Physical support
Emotional support
For spouses, while they wait, they wait alone - with little or no support.
How long can you live like that? For me, it calls up the question of what a life-long marriage is about. Some addicts never get well. Are you willing to spend the rest of your life on earth effectively alone?
The answer to that question is generally a process, with the answers changing over time.
Detatching, as stated above, is not about leaving. It is about living without your life being "directed" by the chaos of the active addict.
For those who believe in life-long partnerships, it may mean a physical separation during which time some of those "supports" not provided by the spouse are received in other ways.... sometimes at meetings, through volunteer groups, at work, or by becoming involved in activities and with friends.
To me, detatching means living my life to the fullest. To be the brightest, shiniest person I can be before this time is done.