teke

i think that you have posed some good questions. i understand your concerns, my husband and i are both rca's and i've been going through this cycle of addiction for 20yrs, and he's still around, for now. i understand what is said here. i think that the difference is more of a caring thing. i think, me as a spouse have just a little advantage over the blood family member who don't have much of a choice. the only choice that they have is to not take a front row seat to their addicts drama. me, on the other hand, have a choice to go on with my life with or without my addict. i can choose to deal with it on the sideline or not at all.

i don't believe that letting go means forever for no relationship, but for someone new to all of this, i too would agree with not allowing themselves to go through what i've gone through for these past 20yrs. it has not been easy, and the desease of addiction gets so much worse as time goes on. unless the addict commit to seeking help and staying with that help, i just don't see how he can get better.

it took for my family to cut me completely off before i had that "do or die" kind of determination to get clean and stay clean. i was forced into a position to where i was willing to do what ever it took for me to get clean and work just as hard to stay clean. my family allowed me to suffer the consequences of my own actions, all by myself, and it worked so far, and i'm now 5 yrs clean. same thing with my rah, i had to finally get so sick and tired of trying to be there for him before i was able to cut him off, and he ran for help and is now clean and sober.

you're young and nobody here wants to see you go through this for the rest of your life. there is no cure for addiction, the desease can only be arrested, and that's up to each individual addict. there is always the chance of relapse and it comes without warning, but if you decide to stay, like i did all of these yrs, just know that its no fun and its very important to work on yourself and do what you need to do to make your life better. if you choose to stay, i suggest that you do what you can to become self sufficient, that helped me so much in being able to seperate my rcah from his addiction. try to seperate yourself emotionally if you can, so that the effects of his action maybe not be so hard on you. when i came here, i thought i was literally insane and to scared to go to the doctor cause i was so afraid that i was gonna end up in somebodys asylum. thats how bad it got for me and i still don't know what would have happened to me if he had not gone to prison for 2yrs.

sorry that you are going through this. being an addict myself, i feel that it would be better for your ah if somehow you could let go and let god, just for a while, then he may be able to reach his bottom, go for help and be more determined to work to keep his sobriety. i can almost assure you that in the end, if he finds true sobriety, that he'll be glad that you did, the choice is always yours and we will support whatever decision you make. keeping all of you in my prayers