Hi (((4raidy)))
My husband is my addict too and I hear what you are saying. Some folks post on here do say that its much harder to have a family member as an addict then a spouse, however, I don't think that's the majority or even close to it. No offense to anyone, but some folks don't take the time to see that its just not as easy as leaving.
When you have a sober spouse, you have someone to rely on, someone to be there for you when things are tough with your addict and someone to lean on in the painful times. When your spouse is using, sometimes you just get to feeling like you are alone out there with no one to lean on. That's where your program comes in either way, by the way. With that said, I don't have an addicted child (or any child for that matter) so I haven't walked in a parents shoes.
Either way you go, your program will be what gets you back on track. Whether it be a mother, father, son, daughter, husband, wife, etc...dealing with addiction on any level is very hard.
Detaching from your addict doesn't mean running away, I'm still with my husband and thankfully he's clean right now. Detaching means letting go of his responsibility to recover and focus on your own responsibility to yourself. To take care of yourself, to make sure YOU have what you need, to give your self that extra little bit of pampering when you are stressed or upset. Allowing him/her to hit thier bottoms without being in their way is detaching with love.
I will never tell anyone to run unless it is a brand spanking new relationship and they finding out about the addiction because it is a hard road to travel and no one should have to travel it or if abuse is involved. I know its not as easy as some folks would like to say when they say just leave. Its not easy, I do feel like my husband is my soul mate and if we don't make it (and believe me, if he doesn't keep on his program and stay clean, then that is a very high probability) I'm not sure there is someone out there whose personality will match mine as well as his does. BUT, instead of dwelling on that and thinking about that I try to stay in today and enjoy what I have for today.
It's hard and and it might just get harder but you'll know when you have to do what needs to be done.
When I come upon a post that I feel upsets me I skip it.
Last edited by Jwife22; 03-06-2007 at 06:06 AM.