Good Topic,
Made me think as to what did it...I was married for 20 years to him last July been together for 26...so heart were heavy.
For me it took a mountain of chaos...get out
Then brought him back for a little more chaos...hadn't been knocked on the head enough...then another round of chaos....out he went again, but this time I was more content and less worried of what he was doing or where he was and stopped the searching....
But yet again I brought him back just for a few more knocks on the head and another round of chaos where the police had to get involved and put a order on him to stay away...god knows I depended on the police and there was no crying wolf...this was stay away and for me as well...so no contact!
Slowly but surely it felt good to know nothing, hear nothing...memories of what he was are memories and what it is now is what it is....it is not going back to the way it was and I just had to accept it.
How, not easy, what ever I had to do in the moment to get me through, sometimes I had to be with friends, sometimes I had to be alone and manytimes being alone and being lonely...no plan got me through. I still have my days and I have no idea how long I will continue to have them...but that shocking deep pain does go.
Rose