Welcome to Sr, I don't believe I have met you yet. My boyfriend, husband whatever you want to call him right now is my A in my life, he is a crack addict. I don't believe people actually feel as you think they do or maybe they do but I believe it's not as cold as it may seem. I dont know what drug your AH uses. But my abf uses crack and it eventually it takes his soul away so to speak. He becomes a heartless person when he wants money, when he is using he is not the person I love and thats the same to most people who are in a relationship with an addict. We could never change who are family is but there are many parents who have stopped all contact with their children just because they couldnt ride the rollercoaster ride with there child, because the pain became so unbearable that they couldn't be in the front seat any longer.
I am still with my abf and we have a child together. But if my best friend was with a crack addict I would tell her to run to the hills and get away from him. The pain is not worth it. A relationship is two people working together to make it work. Not one person fighting for a relationship and another person fighting to get drugs. Both people needs to be on the same page. No one really here says to leave unless it becomes abusive or if it has been going on so much that the people here see the cycle of it more than the member whose going through it that they point it out. Yes I have been told nothing changes when nothing changes, when I want it to stop I have a choice. I havent taken that choice yet but its my choice. Most people here don't judge thats not in our program. But they do care about us so much that they try to point it out to us how much pain we are in. We first come here to find away to fix out A's in our life but then we learn there isnt a thing we can do for them. But we can help ourselves, save ourselves whether with or A's or not. Stick around, keep reading and you will see what I am talking about.
There is also a saying here we use Take what you need and leave the rest. If someone says something to you that at the moment you dont agree with just let it go cause at that moment it doesnt apply to you. You never know though in the future you may go back and realize what a person said and it may help you.
Hugs,
Jewel