Godhelpme, I actually just reflected on this topic with my now sober ABF (almost 2 months). We slept in today, had a nice outting to pick up flowers, etc... came home and he said 'hey, just think how today would have been if I were still drinking."
He would have been drunk by 12pm, I would have gone somewhere to escape him during his drunken state. I usually rented movies to watch in my office w/ headphones... Always away from him, until he passed out. I would usually buy atleast one bottle of wine (when i used to drink - no more for me!!) , some snacks, and then locked myself in my office until I heard him start snoring, or stop crashing around - which ever came first! I knew he was passed out somewhere in the house.
After he would pass out, I would go down stairs to check the damage. I generally would find it in shambles with many broken items. He especially liked to punch holes in the wall with his fist. gosh.. how I don't miss that.
This morning, I also started to reflect on MANY things he did while he was drunk. I shared quite a few with him, and he still couldn't believe he did everything that i told him, he didn't deny it...Just couldn't remember. He's in therapy and going to AA, etc... so he's dealing with his addiciton problems, and feelings. So, I decided it was time to share with him the many horrible things he did and said to me while drunk.
I removed the guns from the house. I actually put them in storage for quite a while... i just didn't want them in the house while he was crazy. I just couldn't trust him with anything that could be a weapon. I even removed many of the big knives from the kitchen, and tried to keep totally away from having glass items in the living room. sad... really sad.
This made me so upset thinking about it today. I guess I blocked out a lot of it, and it comes out gradually. I hated living like that. It is so painful for me to think about it, I just really hurt inside when i think about all of the horrible experiences. It's really sad to think someone that is suppose to love you and be a companion, can also be your worst enemy.
Please make sure you are safe. The verbal and mental abuse can become physical... they are not sane while drunk, they become monsters. I will never stick around to be treated like that again, it damaged me to a point that it is so painful to even reflect on and talk about. Hopefully I'll be able to overcome this soon with some therapy and alanon, but it's going to be a difficult journey.