Mlynn,
As one who's been through what you're going through, I can tell you that detachment is approximately a quadrillion-zillion times harder to achieve when you're forced into close contact with the object of your detachment day after day, hour after hour.
The first step, imho, is to get away from the source of the pain. If you have your hand on a hot fire, you either yank your hand away or turn off the fire; you don't stand there and say, "oh god, when will this pain end?" right?
It was getting away, working my own recovery, and yes, detaching and separating from my parents completely for several years that finally made it so that I could see my addict/alcoholic parents clearly.
I'm not perfect. I could forgive (NOT absolve). I could love them for the good that was buried inside. I could see the good (tiny though it was) that they gave me.
I could not forget, and I never learned to like or respect them. That, in my view, is just tough luck. But love, yes, I stopped questioning whether they "deserved" it and just gave it. Love is a verb; it's something you choose to do or not do. I chose to do it, and a great burden was lifted from me.
But I could never have done it if I had to face their poison day in and day out.
Good for you for taking steps to get away.
Love,
GL