Mlynn

One of our board members posted a poem to her father where she described her feelings to her father....at the end of the poem she said "I love you". It was very profound for me and inspired me to think about what I would say to my father if I got the chance. I am still living with him and subjected to his alcoholic and narsistic rages. I am working on getting my own apartment because I will never get healthy while living in a toxic environment. I thought about how much I would like to forgive him how much I would like to be able to love him......but part of me just doesn't think he deserves those things. Everyday it's a new hurt and I just can't bring my self to detach. I'm grieving and just so angry that I scare myself. I have been abused & unloved by him from birth. I often hear that forgivness is a part of healing but sometimes I feel that some things are just unforgivible. I mean if a street person came out of no where and brutally attacked a child no one would expect the child to forgive or love thier abuser.....my abuser is my father and my attacks have been brutal, life long, and with out mercy. I am wounded and broken, but my bruises are all on the inside. Part of me longs for my father to love me & for me to have a father to love...but another part of me despises the TRUE man and realizes that he is never going to be the "fantasy dad" that I want him to be. Where do you draw the line? When do you say enough is enough. When is "love" or "forgiveness" just not worth it anymore?