SSDI hearing with ALJ!
Hi gang, I hardly ever post in this forum--actually I don't recall if I ever have, but I do read. I am really feeling a lot of fear and anxiety right now. I applied for disability 22 months ago, based on severe depression and several other diagnoses that I don't want to go into on a public board. I got denied at the initial application and reconsideration level. Filed my appeal September of '05. Having waited 17 months to go before an administrative law judge, I finally got a letter today stating my hearing will be the 26th of THIS month! So now I'm happy to finally be near a decision and possibly some financial relief, but I'm also scared to death! All my life I've had bad luck. I've never won anything and I seem to always get the short end of the stick. When I have been out to dinner with others, I'm the one who's order gets lost. When I do a chain mail game where ya send an item by mail, I'm the one who doesn't get even 1 thing back. And of course I'm the clutz who comes out of a public restroom with toilet paper trailing behind me. I just know this judge is going to misread me and not like me or not believe I'm truly disabled. I totally know that I am. No question. It's very hard to admit it and I've only told a couple of friends that I applied. I wish i could work like everyone else, but I have lost my last 4 jobs as a result of my mental health problems and this last job was the straw that completely broke me. I know I can't go back. I would return to severely destructive behaviors that nearly killed me before my therapist put me on family medical leave 2 years ago. So I am sure that I can't work, but I am pretty sure the judge will think I'm just lazy or something.
Another thing is that I'm terrified of going into a court room! I have severe anxiety that keeps me in the house most of the time. I have tremendous fear of all authority figures (avoiding supervisors was one reason for dismissals). I honestly don't know how I will get myself to walk into that room without wetting my pants. Help! It's only 15 days away!