It seems to me that even if these men were never your "father" you still had to live with the result of thier alcoholic and abusive behavior. Thats all it takes to be an ACOA. Your mothers chronic attraction to Alcoholics has turned your home into a home of alcoholism and forced you to experience many of the same negative patterns & emotions that result from negative childhood experiences or trauma's. So you will always be welcomed here and have open arms and ears when you choose to share you experiences.