ACoA's don't fit one definition. We come from families that in one generation or another became defined by traumatic, dysfunctional and/or addictive experiences. We learned behavior very young (sometimes from the cradle) that trapped us in feeling insecure or unsafe in our skin, so we tended to either become codependent and/or addicted ourselves. These learned behaviors often led us down a road toward depressive and/or manic episodes. Destruction or Perfection. We forgot to listen to our inner child and it's connection with our higher power. We forgot that we have always been lovable and perfect, and regularly tried to earn love, deserve respect, control relationships & avoid rejection to get what we needed. We didn't know anything else so we thought it was normal to feel this small.
If you feel like one you probably are one. You don't have to validate it, quantify it, or explain it. Sharing the feeling is enough. Here those feelings are important.
I started to explore 12 step programs when I quit smoking. The first group I started to identify with was CODA. However I still felt a little left out until I read the characteristics of ACoA's. Memories started flooding my mind. It's a good thing I had just found a therapist, cause I needed to give one alot of work at that time. Because there aren't very many ACoA meetings and I wanted to progress my recovery, I read alot. I never have found a sponsor, but I use my therapist, this site and these books:
An Adult Child's Guide To What's "Normal" by Friel & Friel
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps by Patrick Carnes and I listen to CD's by Robert Burney "Dance of the Wounded Souls"
I hope this helps. I spent a lifetime forgiving my parents, before I learned to grieve for the suffering child inside of me.
Welcome and thank you for sharing.
p.s - I especially like "I am the Queen. Why? Because my pantyhose say so."