Hey there Sarah,
Me thinks you did just fine. I don't see anywhere in your post that you said "no" to your mom. I see that you told her exactly what should be told to _anybody_ who asks for advice. We do _not_ give them advice, we tell them where they can go find their own answers.
If your mom decides to stop looking for recovery it will be _her_ decision, and not yours. If living with your Dad for _decades_ is not enough to have gotten her into recovery then there sure isn't anything _you_ can do to have any effect on her choices in life.
When I get tangled up in my emotions the way you describe I "depersonalize" the situation. I change the names and try and figure out what I would tell _somebody else_ who came to me with the same situation. I can never see clearly with my own family, but with somebody else's I'm a great stand-in for Dr.Phil
Mike
