Wow, this thread really hits home with me. It's something I have been talking with my therapist about. I have this need to earn love. Because I was never made to feel that I was loved simply for who I am, somewhere along the way I decided that to be loved I had to do something. And it is very much tied into the rescuing urge, and who I choose to have relationships with. I find someone who is needy, rescue them, and then they will love me. And when it turns out that they don't, I'm angry because I feel like I earned their love and they didn't keep their end of the bargain. Sick and sad, for sure.
L