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Help for my partner

Old 04-17-2019, 06:03 AM
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Question Help for my partner

I'm in NA and my partner is a counsellor.

She has taken an interest in all things addiction mostly because of my behaviour but also due to many other people around her that suffer from addiction.

She's started to give me feedback that I'm doing too many meetings, that she considers I've swapped one addiction to drugs/alcohol with meetings. That it's not a balanced lifestyle.

I'm only 60 days clean and have relapsed twice before. I'm currently doing 1-2 meetings a day. Every time I've relapsed it has been because I want to manage my life and family but also keep using. The last relapse I convinced myself that I was doing them a favour because I was technically more available to them, even though I was mentally absent.

I feel really frustrated and disappointed. I feel like I'm being patronised and treated like a lab specimen to be analysed and I feel upset that even when clean and busting my ass to stay clean what I'm doing is still not good enough, even when she was the one on my case to get back in the program this time around.

I don't know if this is common or if anyone has any thoughts on how to deal with it. I struggle to communicate in my relationship at the best of times and she can run circles around me with psycho babble and counsellor head games. I just want to say to leave me the hell alone and let me try and get well, instead of now turning this into a game of NA/AA vs my relationship.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 04-17-2019, 07:50 AM
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In my opinion, all addictions are caused by one underlying emotion: intolerable, helplessness. Addictive behavior always serves and emotional purpose! Addicts have learned to empower themselves and regain control of how they feel, with a displaced quick fix or mood changer of substances and other behaviors. Non-addicts empower themselves and regain control of their feelings by facing them directly or replacing them with a more healthy high-value behavior.

Your meetings are a form of healthy high value behavior if you find them valuable. My guess is that your councilor feels that you are just, "White knuckling your sobriety," in meetings.

Transformation begins in the mind, because the way we reason affects how we act. Romans 12:2
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Old 04-17-2019, 12:35 PM
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I think if you need a meeting or two a day you should do a meeting or two a day with no judgements. I did as many as I could do the first months, it keepted my mind focused and occupied with sobriety. I did close to 140 meetings in the first 90 days. Your partner can't tell you what you need to stay clean.....
Good luck with your recovery, Action
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