discovery12

My husband has been out for 2 weeks, not the first time, but I think this will be the last and I am heartbroken. I am heartbroken because I feel like those around me are heartless when it comes to the end of my marriage. Not my friends, but family. It's so easy to just say leave, let him go, get a divorce and just say "you both are miserable"....it so hurtful to hear people talk that way about my 23 year marriage. I am having a hard day today for sure and I am so thankful for this outlet.

I hate him, I hate what he has done to me, my kids and my family. Note-he is still denying he is using anything. It is such a cruel cruel thing to go thru. I don't know how I can get over not feeling like I was worth it, that my kids were not worth it. Why isn't he coming to me begging to stay and change for his family if he's not doing anything. UGHHHH I know the answers and responses I will get, but it is somewhat therapeutic to type it all out and get it off my chest.

trailmix

Hi discovery, what a rough time!

I'm a bit confused in reading your posts. On the one hand you are not happy with family and friends saying leave him but you also state you hate him and hate what he has done to your kids and family.

Why do you want to stay married to someone you hate?

Please know I am not judging you or trying to point out the obvious, I am just trying to determine where you are at exactly.

Ann

Codependent No More author, Melody Beattie once said "Nothing is more frustrating than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give."

I am sorry for your pain, for the pain of your children. He has nothing to give, hasn't apparently for some time.

Please consider the happiness and security of your children and yourself. Life with one happy parent is always better than living in a home where addiction resides.

Keeping you in my prayers. Please take very good care of yourself.

BlownOne

The heart wants what it wants. But the heart doesn't understand logic or reason. Certainly doesn't make it any easier. FWIW, I know how you feel. Hugs to you.

Seren

Hello discovery,

I think I get it. My ex-husband had an affair, was mentally abusive, and divorced me. Still, I didn't want people to talk badly about him....

My friends and family were supporting me, and part of that was trying to get me to see just how bad my marriage had become--in a way to help me get over the extraordinary hurt I was experiencing.

Sometimes, though, that is hard to hear....and I'm sorry!!

hopeful4

Vent away!!!

People who truly know will want what is best for you, which is why they will say to get away. His family will likely stick with him, or at least many do. That is hurtful. It's all awful and it's hurtful. How other people express it does not make it any less important, but it's not their lives, so they won't act the same.

People will want you to move forward, and you will. It's a grieving process for someone who is still alive, and that is very hard and takes time. Give yourself the time and grace you need.

Huge hugs!

discovery12

I hate this new him. I don't want to stay, I just wish like many others it wasn't this way. I don't know too many people who marry and start a family and a life with and are faced this this mess that feel any different than I do. As far as family and friends go...I hate they say it like it is so easy and I should just leave him. As always, everything looks crystal clear looking in the window from the outside.

trailmix

Sorry for the late reply, just saw your reply now. Yes, you're right, saying just leave or dump him or forget about him is very easy from the outside.

As someone mentioned, these people can probably see your hurt and are hoping for the best for you.

This here is a mistake. It has nothing to do with your worth or your children's either.

That he is choosing to use drugs rather than save your relationship is about him, not you.

Maybe think of it this way. If you could just accept his addiction, not question it, not question his moodiness etc - disrespect, abuse, violence, none of it, just completely accept it, no argument and go on about your lives. Then all would be well right?

Well you can't (and rightfully so) so how does that make you any "less"? It doesn't. You are standing up for yourself and your children, that's commendable.

Now the fact that he has chosen drugs oven all else, that's addiction, that is the uncontrollable drive when they are in the throes of active addiction that calls them every day all day long 24/7. This is not a competition, this is his brain seeking drugs.

Could he break that addiction? Maybe? Some are successful, some are not but right now he is not. That is no reflection on you or your worth.

Anaya

I understand your pain. As others have encouraged, please do express your feelings. It's what helps me as well. Take care and best wishes for healing and comfort.

looknforsupport

I’m brand new here. I have no idea what to type or where to type it.
My heart goes out to you.
My husband is an alcoholic and it’s hard to know I have no control over his addiction.
He has been through rehab yet, here we are. Life is different for us, now. I never thought we’d be where we are.
I’m exhausted.
Barely a month out of rehab and he was sneaking the alcohol. Odd how they think we can’t tell, isn’t it?
The sneaking around is one of the hardest parts as it’s left me feeling like I can’t trust him anymore. His word carries no merit, with me.
Thanks for reading. Hoping I will read the forums and get a lot of advice.