Step 3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
Step 3
How has acceptance played a part in your recovery (I am asking this from an alanon/narnon perspective, but all responses are welcomed) What tool did you use to get into acceptance? Steps? Prayer? Meetings? What finally helped you allow to let go of the addict/alcoholic and let them a) hit their bottom 2) do things on their own 3) leave, etc.
I'm having a difficult time with my NC/Detaching right now. I'm working my third step in my recovery, and have a hard time with "let go and let god."
I'm having a difficult time with my NC/Detaching right now. I'm working my third step in my recovery, and have a hard time with "let go and let god."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Hope,
I reworked my entire idea of God in an 8 month period. It was worthwhile to me as I had never found the faith I was raised in fit me. Since I didn't see God in my faith, it was easy for me to get in the habit of just wading into situations and solving things myself. I am too much of a do-er. Letting things happen on their own accord has been a hard lesson for me. These lessons applied to every facet of my life, not just my relationship with my RAH. Here is a link to my summary here.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tough-one.html
I reworked my entire idea of God in an 8 month period. It was worthwhile to me as I had never found the faith I was raised in fit me. Since I didn't see God in my faith, it was easy for me to get in the habit of just wading into situations and solving things myself. I am too much of a do-er. Letting things happen on their own accord has been a hard lesson for me. These lessons applied to every facet of my life, not just my relationship with my RAH. Here is a link to my summary here.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tough-one.html
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,004
Hmmm . . . great question Hopepraylove.
Many years ago, I managed to accept that my long term BF really and truly needed to walk the path of a meth addiction. I also understood/accepted that I couldn't be with him as he did this. It was so dingdangdadblasted difficult to walk away from him. I didn't even know how to pray for him so just prayed that "God would bring him whatever would benefit him." I prayed this for years and came to an understanding that I wasn't a benefit to him. This realization has made me laugh as I realize how arrogant I was in thinking that he needed me or that I could even help him in anyway.
I have continued to struggle with my own arrogance and balancing being there for others versus taking care of myself.
Many years ago, I managed to accept that my long term BF really and truly needed to walk the path of a meth addiction. I also understood/accepted that I couldn't be with him as he did this. It was so dingdangdadblasted difficult to walk away from him. I didn't even know how to pray for him so just prayed that "God would bring him whatever would benefit him." I prayed this for years and came to an understanding that I wasn't a benefit to him. This realization has made me laugh as I realize how arrogant I was in thinking that he needed me or that I could even help him in anyway.
I have continued to struggle with my own arrogance and balancing being there for others versus taking care of myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
[QUOTE=hopepraylove;5538285 Steps? Prayer? Meetings? [/QUOTE]
Over a period of years, I would say what helped me was each of those you named above, some quite direct and honest urging from our family, support received on SR, and the fact that I came to a point where I could no longer physically and mentally handle the stress I was experiencing and needed to accept that I would have to set and keep boundaries.
Over a period of years, I would say what helped me was each of those you named above, some quite direct and honest urging from our family, support received on SR, and the fact that I came to a point where I could no longer physically and mentally handle the stress I was experiencing and needed to accept that I would have to set and keep boundaries.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 433
To get to acceptance I needed time to explore its meaning with my sponsor and my Alanon friends, and through reading a lot of good literature. For me it was more complex than I realized. My HP began showing me, giving me labs, about the multiple aspects of acceptance. A lot of prayer and meditation paved the way.
First I had to really understand the ways in which I limited myself by mistaken thinking. Most importantly I learned I had options. I could choose to hold on to old habits of thinking or I could now choose, with the help of Step 1, to surrender the illusion that I had any control over other people's choices. I had to find out the difference between giving up and letting go/trusting HP. (There's an article here somewhere about that in the stickies, I think.)
First I had to really understand the ways in which I limited myself by mistaken thinking. Most importantly I learned I had options. I could choose to hold on to old habits of thinking or I could now choose, with the help of Step 1, to surrender the illusion that I had any control over other people's choices. I had to find out the difference between giving up and letting go/trusting HP. (There's an article here somewhere about that in the stickies, I think.)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Hi HPL
Step 1 Alanon is me seeing that I am powerless over another person and my life has become unmanageable trying to control them instead of dealing with me and growing, I am depressed because I can't control them and circumstance are beyond my control. I accept this.
Step 2 is I have a tiny window of belief, even just a sliver, by seeing that others have gotten well, that maybe , just maybe, there is a Power greater than myself, whatever this Power is I don't really know, but the grace in that Power just might restore me to sanity too. I see my insanity, doing things for which the consequences make no sense, I always end up disappointed or things aren't working out.
All step 3 is, is a decision. I make the decision that based on what I saw in steps 1 & 2, I am going to turn my all of my life and my thinking over to the care of this Higher Power. I don't know what will happen or what this will look like, but I do it because I have no other options. So it's just a decision. I follow up that decision by immediately taking action - and writing a fourth step.
As someone who qualifies for all fellowships I will tell you I found my solution in the a Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's where I found a loving God and a purpose and a way of living that works in rough going.
Step 1 Alanon is me seeing that I am powerless over another person and my life has become unmanageable trying to control them instead of dealing with me and growing, I am depressed because I can't control them and circumstance are beyond my control. I accept this.
Step 2 is I have a tiny window of belief, even just a sliver, by seeing that others have gotten well, that maybe , just maybe, there is a Power greater than myself, whatever this Power is I don't really know, but the grace in that Power just might restore me to sanity too. I see my insanity, doing things for which the consequences make no sense, I always end up disappointed or things aren't working out.
All step 3 is, is a decision. I make the decision that based on what I saw in steps 1 & 2, I am going to turn my all of my life and my thinking over to the care of this Higher Power. I don't know what will happen or what this will look like, but I do it because I have no other options. So it's just a decision. I follow up that decision by immediately taking action - and writing a fourth step.
As someone who qualifies for all fellowships I will tell you I found my solution in the a Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's where I found a loving God and a purpose and a way of living that works in rough going.
Recovered People Pleaser
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 391
To get to acceptance, I first had to detach, which was a process that took some time on it's own. I began with the Serenity Prayer, acquired the skill of detachment which allowed me to accept life on life's terms. It has been a wonderful journey
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
By the time I hit Step 3, I had already come to believe that God was there working for me. For me, Step 3 was making a decision to let God lead me...always. To have faith that His plan was always better than mine, and to know that I could call on Him any time I needed to feel the courage and strength that comes from faith.
It was perhaps, the hardest step for me to work...and yet, it is the one I fall back on even today anytime I need to reconnect or let go.
Once I felt the relief and security that Step 3 brought me, the working steps, from Step 4 onward became logical and not difficult to process at all.
Hugs
It was perhaps, the hardest step for me to work...and yet, it is the one I fall back on even today anytime I need to reconnect or let go.
Once I felt the relief and security that Step 3 brought me, the working steps, from Step 4 onward became logical and not difficult to process at all.
Hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
