Lily

Hello,

I have had to detach from my sister in the past 4 yrs because of her drug use, destruction, manipulation, control and denial. While we do live 2400 miles apart, I am no longer on the phone w/ her several times per week, but maybe once a month, I have so much peace in my life, but sometimes I feel guilty.

This all came about at my husbands suggestion. He used to see me get off the phone with her and be totally upset and it affected our family.

I came to the realization I couldn't fix her, I couldn't help any of the situations and only made them worse when I listened and engaged.

I do miss her at times, and what we had as kids, but I DO not miss the manipulation.

She was supposed to show up at my moms at Christmastime and it has been 6 yrs since I have seen her, but when she cancelled I was so relieved.

I am free, but sometimes feel guilty, does anyone else feel this way?

Thanks!

Lily

CodeJob

Hello Lily,

Perhaps the emotion should be re-considered as grief over the change in the relationship from youth to adulthood? You can't go back to that childhood innocence. You cannot control her choice to try to use you and the boundaries you have are not due to a child, but an adult.

If you are one who prays, I'd pray about releasing that guilt. Perhaps focus on the funny stories of your childhood when she calls? Maybe share with her if any of your kids remind you of her or you two's antics? Share the good points of the past and then ring off when she starts in on whatever she is working towards? I don't live too close to my FOO and there are so many times I say thank you for that geographical space!

Peace in your heart Lily.

airwick

You say you felt relieved yet a sense of guilt when she didn't show up for x-mas. Well don't.

My (now X) had to serve 3 weekends in Jail for a DUI. I hate to admit that I to0 felt relief. My son and I would have a calm, worry-free weekend.

I knew I could no longer help when he drove to his weekend "Jail-time" drunk! I didn't know, and now it is not my problem.


I realize that I can not help, he has to help himself.

Don't you dare feel guilty, you have YOUR life to lead

Lily

Thanks so much for your replies. I am going to pray for the release of the guilt, great idea and yes, try to talk about earlier times. Thank you both!

We were both raised in the same household. I got help and she stayed sick. She is 6 yrs older than me.

Blessings, Lily