alwaysthere4u

Can someone please tell me about THE STEPS. My nephew who is/wasa heroin user is telling me about this and I don't understand what this is.

Xtreem

Wow - haha - My first thought was that I would to try to do that, my second thought is, not sure I could do that in 1000 words or less. the 12 steps of the AA/NA/SA/OA are online if you want to look them up. they are (somewhat) self explanatory.

Good to see you taking an interest.

sugarbear1

it's a way of looking at our patterns of behavior and learning to change things; it's also a way to begin living differently than we had before and living a spiritual way of life

Recover12Step

Hi alwaysthere4u
The phrase the steps, refers to the 12 step program. This is a process that originated in Alcoholics Anonymous and is a series of measures that people took that enabled them to get sober and stay sober. This process was adapted by other organisations and self-help groups that use the same measures and principles as AA, but adapted them to recovery from other substances and addictions. The best way to fully understand them is to read the literature that Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous produce that explain them in more detail. There is a mix of free and paid literature and pamphlets and booklets available on both their websites.
sorry unable to post links but go to
aa.org
na.org
good luck

AnvilheadII

the chapter How It Works in the AA Big Book is your best source:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf

alwaysthere4u

Thank you all for the information - I will be looking into that! I checked in my area if there is an organization for this but sad to say there isn't. But I do have this site which is awesome! And knowing I am not alone trying to understand my nephews drug addiction and how I can not enable him by sending him money.

Thank you again!♥

Recover12Step

alwaysthere4u
you may also find this website useful : nar-anon.org
its a self help organisation with meetings ( mainly US ) and literature for families and friends of addicts. thanks for the freind request

sugarbear1

have you looked into Al Anon in your area?

Kkcr

My husband is planning on doing his 9th step with me today. He has been encouraged by his fellow AA members, NA members and sponsor to not disclose anything that would bring me more harm. He has asked me how I want it to be and said he will tell me everything if that is what I wish ( affairs, etc) My question for you all is how thorough should I want him to be. I have committed to staying with him as have our children, pretty much know there has been infidelity. He has been working a great program and clean almost 11 months. We have been married almost 25 years. Would love some insight on this!
Thank you.

Joe Nerv

As already stated, the steps are guidelines to a spiritual life. My experience is that they absolutely work to heal people from addictions (as well as other other mental/emotional issues), when people truly learn to live them. They are generally practiced in order, and people can take anywhere from a few months to several years to complete them. Some people go through them quickly, as in a few weeks, but most will agree that they're best to be thoroughly understood, and that we take our time as well as find someone to guide us through them (a sponsor) if we want to reap the most benefit. There's lots of literature where you can learn more. The book Alcoholics Anonymous (I believe someone already linked to the chapters), and the book The Twelve and Twelve. The AA book is more direct and to the point. There's lots of other literature available on the steps, but those 2 are the source of it all.

And since nobody has yet posted this, these are the actual steps:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Joe Nerv

Making amends to a significant other is a very delicate matter, and IMO and experience should not be done until the person doing it has a lot of experience with the previous steps. The fact that he's asking you what you want to know, tells me he is NOT in a good space yet to be doing this. If he were my friend I'd strongly advise talking a bit more with his sponsor, and getting the opinion and experience of others before he talks to you.

I'd advise you to start your own thread here, with a new topic as this one is kind of hijacking the original post.

Anonymama

I have found Recoveries Anonymous most helpful in understanding and working the 12 Steps. RA is open to everyone, including family and friends. Our experience is that when we work the 12 steps the way the pioneers of AA worked them, we get the same results. Our problem (whatever it is) is removed.

Berrybean

I think If it were me I'd encourage him to only tell me the information that I KNOW I'm comfortable with. This might even be that I want to know how he sees himself making Living Amends to me in the future. Personally I'd find a catalogue of sexual misdemeanors very uncomfortable to listen to, and a recipe for many sleepless nights in the future. But then, I'm not you, plus I'm speaking here as someone who's also had to do a step 9!

Way before I'd got to Step 9, my partner had specified to me that he doesn't want to know anything about the past. At all. So, instead I used all that time and energy on focussing extra hard on my section about what a Loving relationship should be, and I try my best in Living Amends to work towards this on a daily basis.