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Old 02-18-2015, 11:39 PM   #41 (permalink)
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...Screw that. Kick em out, tell em they aren't welcome if they can't behave decently.
The local gossip within my local AA community is that one of the pillars was requested not to attend a particular meeting from the woman chairing. The guy was also taken aside at another meeting and warned not to hit up on the women.

I don`t know anything outside of the gossip but apparently this fellow has a history of bothering women in the fellowship.


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The dangers of mingling with a potentially seedy crowd seems to come with the territory of being in recovery. Let's face it: all of us who have attended AA meetings have seen some sketchy characters.
Yep, I`ve seen some rough characters in the rooms over the years. Members who for various reasons were plain bad news.

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...As alcoholics, we have learned that we don't deserve to meet outdoors or in nicely decorated public spaces; instead we gather in small church basements under the cover of darkness and anonymity. Even in our own minds we believe that we don't deserve to expect safety; we should just be happy that anyone still wants our company.
Not sure if I would go along with that. I never felt that way.
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Old 02-19-2015, 01:17 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Here an ugly experience I had in AA: I was sober a short while and was befriend by a member who like to chat after meetings. I noticed he didn`t seem to have a lot of friends in AA but we were both ex-pats in a foreign country so it was all good.

It wasn`t long before I realized the man had an angry streak and constantly blamed AA for his inability to stay sober. At several meetings he tried getting the group to read non-AA approved material but it was a non-starter. It was odd because most who don`t like AA just don`t come back but not him.

It all came to a head one evening when he felt a member had "disrespected" him and assaulted the guy. Just got up, walked over and punched the man in his face. Fortunately, three other members grabbed the him before he could throw another punch and I went outside to get the local police. It wasn`t long after that he decided to leave the country. Thank god.

Another time there was a similar situation with another member (although he never hit anyone.) Flat-out angry and you just didn`t want to be in the same room as the guy.
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Old 03-15-2015, 02:34 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Just my opinion but I think you would have to be living in a bubble not to understand that people attending a group dedicated to the recovery of alcohol and drugs would have some group member who not "law abiding citizens".
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Old 03-16-2015, 11:13 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Adults are responsible for their own behavior, in AA or not. The courts and our justice system are responsible for the violent criminals they put on the streets.
Couldn't agree less. The courts and justice system are the ones mandating these thugs and criminals into meetings.

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Old 03-16-2015, 11:23 AM   #45 (permalink)
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We don't sign attendance sheets at my homegroup, ergo, no court ordered folks go there. We also don't have a meat-market-and-other-behaviors problem at my homegroup, either. We have a strong message of sobriety, based on the BB. Usually those who want sobriety end up there. The rest end up at the meetings where the "drama" is. No thanks, says I. It is funny, in my town, people who are serious about recovery go to the serious meetings. The converse is also true.
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Old 03-16-2015, 11:32 AM   #46 (permalink)
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We don't sign attendance sheets at my homegroup, ergo, no court ordered folks go there. We also don't have a meat-market-and-other-behaviors problem at my homegroup, either. We have a strong message of sobriety, based on the BB. Usually those who want sobriety end up there. The rest end up at the meetings where the "drama" is. No thanks, says I. It is funny, in my town, people who are serious about recovery go to the serious meetings. The converse is also true.

Do newcomers need a resume to be a members of your home group??
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Old 03-16-2015, 11:35 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Not hardly, but it is evident very quickly when there is a problem with a newcomer's behavior. The behaviors being discussed in this thread are not tolerated. Yes, we have people who are banned. They can go somewhere else. Our group is known as a no nonsense and a safe place. And I am so grateful for that.
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Old 09-11-2015, 10:43 PM   #48 (permalink)
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My 23 yr old son's x-sponsor was a sex offender 2 X and did prison time. I wondered why he only had 1 sponsoree. He made several provocative comments to myself and few friends (female and male)...haven't seen him in months, but was very angry and verbally abusive to my best friends. I realize they can't stay in prison for ever, but I know that AA/NA knows he's a registered sex offender. How can they allow him to be a sponsor???? My son still attends AA meetings as required by rehab he's in. He really likes another program better: refuge recovery. Check it out 😇
AA doesn't allocate sponsors. Members approach someone and ask them to be their sponsor. So, your son would have asked him to be his sponsor. You can change sponsors any time you like.
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Old 09-11-2015, 11:04 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Here an ugly experience I had in AA: I was sober a short while and was befriend by a member who like to chat after meetings. I noticed he didn`t seem to have a lot of friends in AA but we were both ex-pats in a foreign country so it was all good.

It wasn`t long before I realized the man had an angry streak and constantly blamed AA for his inability to stay sober. At several meetings he tried getting the group to read non-AA approved material but it was a non-starter. It was odd because most who don`t like AA just don`t come back but not him.

It all came to a head one evening when he felt a member had "disrespected" him and assaulted the guy. Just got up, walked over and punched the man in his face. Fortunately, three other members grabbed the him before he could throw another punch and I went outside to get the local police. It wasn`t long after that he decided to leave the country. Thank god.

Another time there was a similar situation with another member (although he never hit anyone.) Flat-out angry and you just didn`t want to be in the same room as the guy.
That must have been scary. And it's good that he has now left. And sad for the man that he was still so full of resentment and fear.

I personally have never seen physical aggression in the rooms, but have seen it a lot in Pubs, Bar Rooms, a little in my family homes, at School, and even in a work place (a large warehouse for a major supermarket).

I go to mixed meetings where there are people who have been in prison for violent acts. The reason they are in AA is that they hated that person they used to be and want to change. Personally, I feel that in many states, the system merely washes its hands of responsibility and releases dangerous people and think they are 'doing something' by issuing an 'Order' for them to attend AA or similar. I feel that the recovery program is less likely to work if people don't want to get better or stop drinking / drugging, although I'm obviously not always correct in this, because some people have told me that they only came to the rooms initially because it was a term of their DUI proceedings, and they ended up working the program and recovering, so I suppose, never say never.

As I worked the steps I learned that in most situations I had my part. In AA my part is to take advice of my sponsor and other long term members. If they say 'Stick with the women' then I need to act with humility and do just that. If they say don't drink, no matter what. I'll do that. If they say "Just be careful of Old Joe" (and leave it at that), then I'll stay away from that old-timer Old Joe and keep it to polite exchange, even if I don't know what happened or what he did.

There is no part of the AA program that says to hook up with someone and take drugs. It is said plenty of places, to avoid forming relationships until your recovery is strong; and that men stick with the men, and women stick with the women.
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Old 05-30-2017, 01:42 PM   #50 (permalink)
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This is an AA memo about predators in the rooms and youth and children in AA or AlAnon.

http://stinkin-thinkin.com/wp-conten...DATORS.doc.pdf
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Old 06-03-2017, 07:02 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Not sure if you can sue AA. However, I think it's possible to sue a rehab center if for example if they take you to meetings. In this instance it's the rehab center responsibility to ensure the safety of their patients.
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Old 06-03-2017, 08:41 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Of course, AA can be sued. It is an incorporated entity.

Whether such a suit can be won is another issue. But any individual or corporation can be sued.
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Old 06-03-2017, 09:25 PM   #53 (permalink)
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This is a sad story. I'm glad that creep was convicted of murder! After years in AA I would absolutely say there are more mentally ill/criminals/predators than the average group/organization. I've been triggered/approached several times by many very sick men! I started going to Women's only meetings & although not the "same type" of predators, they are STILL there. I've decided to stop attending AA meetings. It's just not worth it.

HOWEVER...I am sure there are people that AA helps. I'm unfortunately am not one of them.
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Old 06-04-2017, 01:42 AM   #54 (permalink)
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Of course, AA can be sued. It is an incorporated entity.

Whether such a suit can be won is another issue. But any individual or corporation can be sued.
If enough money is involved a lawsuit will follow.

The rehab center is responsible to ensure the safety of its patients.

If I recall correct the woman was in a treatment center when introduced to the meeting where she met the man who killed her.

However I believe she was no longer in rehab and had been dating the man for awhile when the killing ultimately took place.
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Old 06-04-2017, 01:45 AM   #55 (permalink)
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This is a sad story. I'm glad that creep was convicted of murder! After years in AA I would absolutely say there are more mentally ill/criminals/predators than the average group/organization. I've been triggered/approached several times by many very sick men! I started going to Women's only meetings & although not the "same type" of predators, they are STILL there. I've decided to stop attending AA meetings. It's just not worth it.

HOWEVER...I am sure there are people that AA helps. I'm unfortunately am not one of them.
The rooms are filled with unhealthy people. It's the nature of alcoholism

One needs to be careful. There are people who will try and take advantage of newcomers .
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Old 06-04-2017, 07:32 AM   #56 (permalink)
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Also - newcomer's who do not know any better, latching onto other newbies. 'Romantically'.
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Old 06-04-2017, 10:00 PM   #57 (permalink)
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This is a sad story. I'm glad that creep was convicted of murder! After years in AA I would absolutely say there are more mentally ill/criminals/predators than the average group/organization. I've been triggered/approached several times by many very sick men! I started going to Women's only meetings & although not the "same type" of predators, they are STILL there. I've decided to stop attending AA meetings. It's just not worth it.

HOWEVER...I am sure there are people that AA helps. I'm unfortunately am not one of them.
This is a terribly sad indictment on AA, and far too common. Poor sponsorship and ignorance at group level are the main cause.

In many years in AA I have observed exactly what you are talking about, predatory behaviour in almost every setting. The breeding grounds are the "anything goes" meetings, and often the special purpose groups which seem to bring about the exact problems they were set up to prevent, by imposing further restrictions on membership over and above the third tradition.

When a women's group is active it drains women from the mainstream fellowship, leaving female newcomer vulnerable. Law of unintended consequences perhaps. Men's groups, women's groups, any group that adds another issue to the primary purpose of recovery from alcoholism, seem to be breeding grounds for predatory control and behaviour in many cases.

But then, have a look around the fellowship at the solution based groups. My home group is a big book study. We try and learn what is in the book and put it into practice in our daily lives. Our meetings are formatted, and focused, and there is no opportunity for drama. We have great discussions about the solution, and how we apply it.

Anyone there for predatory reasons stick out like dogs clangers. They don't stay. The meeting is too disciplined. It is a safe place for members of both sexes and all age groups. Our unity is very important to us. Likewise the drama queens don't stay. They is no room for their performances, and again, they don't like the focus.

What to do when a member breaks the law? A steps group I belonged to seemed to have a good grasp of their obligations to the community and the law, when a member confessed to a current murder of an AA member and another woman. He was instantly reported and is now serving life. Some of the anything goes groups objected to the breach of anonymity can you believe. In my book it just goes to show that an informed group conscience will do the right thing. Ignorance and poor sponsorship are at the bottom of the problem, and always have been.
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Old 06-07-2017, 04:32 AM   #58 (permalink)
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I suspect such dodgy behavior (rip-offs, 13 stepping ect) has been going since the beginning of AA.

AA has always been a fellowship filled with unhealthy individuals.
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Old 06-07-2017, 04:56 AM   #59 (permalink)
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I drive an AA double-winner woman to the alanon meeting I also attend. Over Lent she mentioned she was taking a break from hugs due to some men in AA going a bit too far; resting hands on hips, holding on too long (presumably trying to feel more etc). She's been in AA & alanon for some time and knows the game, and tends to be a bit prickly over people and personalities but I do sympathize. To come in to a meeting and get "handled" is distracting and annoying and to hear her tell it this low level stuff happens a lot.

This kind of thing happens in Alanon too, we had a case where a newcomer man started chatting up an attractive young lady, got her phone # ostensibly to talk program but he made it clear he had additional interests. As it happened her boyfriend attended our partner AA meeting, thankfully it was handled quickly and carefully by both fellowships; the newcomer was asked to leave, she & her boyfriend stayed.

It seems like this kind of thing goes with the territory; people come in variously troubled, maybe the AA and Alanon meeting is the only place they feel good.. early on that was the case for me. Some may take that farther than they should.

Personally I avoid hugging women in my meetings unless I know them well, but I'll glady talk, press their hand, pat a shoulder etc if someone's hurting.
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Old 08-02-2017, 10:04 PM   #60 (permalink)
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The people in question are adults so can do whatever they like. Besides, there was a warning; do not date during rehab. I wonder why people never listens and allow others to suffer for their mistakes.
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