EmJaye

I did my 4th and 5th step yesterday with my sponsor, well my resentments anyway.

I have a wonderful family that were not alcoholics or addicts. I do not have many resentments towards my dad. I do have a lot towards my mom and that is very painful because she passed in January of 2013. I feel guilty about them.

She had a long battle with cancer (on and off since she was 16, with the last recurrence lasting 10 years) Because of that, she was on pain meds and Xanax. I had resentment because of that because she would always take too much and nod off, making me uneasy to leave my infant daughter with her.

My sponsor asked if she took the meds like she should. Yes, she took the oxy exactly as she should - she was scared of that drug. But I found out after she passed that she took my dad's script of Xanax as well as her own, and only came clean when she ran out. So, she was taking double the amount that was prescribed. That is when my sponsor said she was an addict and I nearly came unglued!!!

Yes, she abused it, but if it were not for the cancer, she would not have. So, for the past 10 years, I have had a parent become an addict as well as a husband.

I don't know why that is so baffling to me to think of it that way...and I don't know where I am going with this, I just needed to vent...

CodeJob

EmJaye, it is startling sometimes to see a known historical situation from a new angle. It takes awhile to work through it and at times see both views are true. Be patient working through the issues with your mom's memory. Maybe journal about this?

Good job on Step 4 and 5!