Taking The Steps in AlAnon
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking The Steps in AlAnon
Taking the First Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
Don't Let Alcoholism or Addiction Destroy You
Do you feel as if you have tried everything in order to change the life of an alcoholic or drug abuser? When a newcomer walks into the doors of their first AlAnon meeting and hears someone read the 12 Steps, they usually feel overwhelmed. I know that, like of millions of people who went before me, I was a wreck over thirty years ago when I first joined AlAnon, a fellowship for friends and family members of alcoholics. By the time most people are desperate enough to seek out AlAnon, they have probably spent years dealing with an alcoholic or drug addict. They have tried everything they could think of to help the person who is abusing drugs or alcohol. They have pleaded, begged, intervened and may have even paid for rehab. They feel utterly desperate for a solution.
The alcohol abuser or drug addict might be your parent, spouse, boyfriend, sibling, child or friend. Whoever they are, they have been creating chaos in your life. Your first reaction to AlAnon may be disappointment. You just want the secret to "fixing" the alcoholic's problems, not your own. In fact, you may feel that you have been doing pretty well, considering your circumstances! AlAnon's First Step tells us that we need to admit that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. But, what does that mean?
Once you accept that you are powerless over alcoholics and the substances they abuse, you have taken the First Step in AlAnon
The first hurdle you may have to overcome when you attend AlAnon meetings is to realize that there is no magic cure for alcoholism. That is what the First Step means when it says that we must admit that we are powerless over alcohol. Many AlAnon members actually understand this step more easily when they mentally replace the word "alcohol" with "alcoholics". After all, most AlAnon members understand that alcohol, by itself, is not their problem. Their problem is the behavior of the alcoholic … a behavior that they are desperate to change. When I joined AlAnon, I didn't expect the alcoholics in my life to completely stop drinking; I just wanted them to develop some self-control. It was months before I realized how impossible that was for them. It took me even longer to realize that, by trying to control someone else's alcohol addiction; I was setting myself up for failure.
The next problem you face when joining AlAnon is accepting that you are not only powerless over alcohol and the alcoholic, but you are also powerless over many other areas of your life that you have been trying hard to control. You may feel that you have been working hard, handling the household finances, keeping everything running smoothly, dealing with the alcoholic's job problems, and covering up for their lapses in judgment, while still taking care of the home and children. You feel that, considering the circumstances, you have been doing a pretty good job. How can you be powerless?
Think about how the alcoholic continually disrupts all your plans. It doesn't matter whether the alcoholic (or drug addict) is your spouse, parent, teenage child, adult child, or some other close friend or relative. All of these people can cause you to have a lot of pain and misery. In fact, that sometimes seems to be their specialty. The alcoholic may spend money on liquor that was meant for other obligations; he or she may disrupt social events, embarrass you or the children, lose jobs, get arrested, argue with relatives, behave unreliably or cause other problems. Although you keep trying to control everything, you may feel that you are at the end of your rope. Your whole life is out of control! When you are honest with yourself, you begin to realize that you truly do feel powerless. This is not the home life that you always dreamed of!
Once you think about how powerless you are over the alcoholic or drug addict and all the problems he or she has created, you begin to realize just how unmanageable your life has become. The First Step of AlAnon begins to come into focus as you realize that you are not really managing your life, you are just barely hanging on. Now, you have finally reached the point where you are ready to admit that you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable. You have taken the AlAnon First Step. Subconsciously, you were taking it the moment you felt desperate enough to seek out the comfort of strangers in an AlAnon meeting. Your journey in AlAnon has just begun.
~Deborah-Diane
Don't Let Alcoholism or Addiction Destroy You
Do you feel as if you have tried everything in order to change the life of an alcoholic or drug abuser? When a newcomer walks into the doors of their first AlAnon meeting and hears someone read the 12 Steps, they usually feel overwhelmed. I know that, like of millions of people who went before me, I was a wreck over thirty years ago when I first joined AlAnon, a fellowship for friends and family members of alcoholics. By the time most people are desperate enough to seek out AlAnon, they have probably spent years dealing with an alcoholic or drug addict. They have tried everything they could think of to help the person who is abusing drugs or alcohol. They have pleaded, begged, intervened and may have even paid for rehab. They feel utterly desperate for a solution.
The alcohol abuser or drug addict might be your parent, spouse, boyfriend, sibling, child or friend. Whoever they are, they have been creating chaos in your life. Your first reaction to AlAnon may be disappointment. You just want the secret to "fixing" the alcoholic's problems, not your own. In fact, you may feel that you have been doing pretty well, considering your circumstances! AlAnon's First Step tells us that we need to admit that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable. But, what does that mean?
Once you accept that you are powerless over alcoholics and the substances they abuse, you have taken the First Step in AlAnon
The first hurdle you may have to overcome when you attend AlAnon meetings is to realize that there is no magic cure for alcoholism. That is what the First Step means when it says that we must admit that we are powerless over alcohol. Many AlAnon members actually understand this step more easily when they mentally replace the word "alcohol" with "alcoholics". After all, most AlAnon members understand that alcohol, by itself, is not their problem. Their problem is the behavior of the alcoholic … a behavior that they are desperate to change. When I joined AlAnon, I didn't expect the alcoholics in my life to completely stop drinking; I just wanted them to develop some self-control. It was months before I realized how impossible that was for them. It took me even longer to realize that, by trying to control someone else's alcohol addiction; I was setting myself up for failure.
The next problem you face when joining AlAnon is accepting that you are not only powerless over alcohol and the alcoholic, but you are also powerless over many other areas of your life that you have been trying hard to control. You may feel that you have been working hard, handling the household finances, keeping everything running smoothly, dealing with the alcoholic's job problems, and covering up for their lapses in judgment, while still taking care of the home and children. You feel that, considering the circumstances, you have been doing a pretty good job. How can you be powerless?
Think about how the alcoholic continually disrupts all your plans. It doesn't matter whether the alcoholic (or drug addict) is your spouse, parent, teenage child, adult child, or some other close friend or relative. All of these people can cause you to have a lot of pain and misery. In fact, that sometimes seems to be their specialty. The alcoholic may spend money on liquor that was meant for other obligations; he or she may disrupt social events, embarrass you or the children, lose jobs, get arrested, argue with relatives, behave unreliably or cause other problems. Although you keep trying to control everything, you may feel that you are at the end of your rope. Your whole life is out of control! When you are honest with yourself, you begin to realize that you truly do feel powerless. This is not the home life that you always dreamed of!
Once you think about how powerless you are over the alcoholic or drug addict and all the problems he or she has created, you begin to realize just how unmanageable your life has become. The First Step of AlAnon begins to come into focus as you realize that you are not really managing your life, you are just barely hanging on. Now, you have finally reached the point where you are ready to admit that you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable. You have taken the AlAnon First Step. Subconsciously, you were taking it the moment you felt desperate enough to seek out the comfort of strangers in an AlAnon meeting. Your journey in AlAnon has just begun.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Taking the Second Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
Letting Our Higher Power Restore Us to Sanity
Many newcomers to AlAnon are particularly uncomfortable with the Second Step, because it deals with their attitudes about God. They have joined this organization for friends and families of alcoholics because their life is miserable as a result of the actions of someone they love ... in particular, their addictions or alcoholism. The Second Step tells them that they must believe that a "Power Greater than Themselves" can restore them to sanity. Some newcomers fear that they have joined a religious cult. They have their own religious beliefs, and are concerned about what is meant by a Power greater than themselves. Other new members may have given up on God and become atheists; they feel that they have no need for God. Still others feel insulted that this step hints that they need to be restored to sanity. What exactly does all this mean to you?
Search your heart, and accept that there is a power in the universe greater than yourself!
If you are a newcomer who already has your own, cherished religious beliefs, let me assure you that there is nothing in the AlAnon program that is contrary to those beliefs. I have been a member of AlAnon for over 28 years, and have known members of all faiths. Meetings are held around the world, attended by people of every faith, and these meetings have brought comfort to many friends and families of alcoholics. The Second Step actually says that you can use your own, personal religious beliefs to help you through the pain of living with an alcoholic. It encourages you to rely on your own personal religious beliefs to find comfort and support. No one in AlAnon should tell you that you need to be a part of any particular faith or religious tradition in order to participate. The organization is there to help the friends and families of alcoholics, or drug abusers, not to change your religious beliefs!
You may be interested to know that, even if you are an atheist, the Second Step will still benefit you. In AlAnon you will discover that the Power greater than yourself can be whatever you personally believe about the universe. Whether you belief in Fate, the intrinsic goodness of the human race, nature, or the healing fellowship of belonging to a group, these are beliefs in a Power greater than yourself alone. By becoming attuned to the universe, as you understand it, you will be able to restore your life to peace and sanity.
Ahhh, the word "sanity!" This last part of the Second Step seems insulting to many new AlAnon members. After all, most of us feel that we have been the only person in the relationship who has been maintaining some semblance of sanity in our households. How is it that we now need to be restored to sanity? The truth is that, if we are honest, most of us feel as though we are living on the edge. Many of us feel that we just can't handle one more problem, one more job loss, one more DUI, or one more quarrel with the alcoholic. AlAnon will help us learn how to use our religious beliefs or personal philosophies to guide our thinking and behavior towards a happier, more serene existence. Not only will you begin to feel saner, you will also feel a peace that you may never have experienced before!
One more thought about the word "sanity," as used in AlAnon. Many people describe insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting different results. How many of us have done this, in handling our situation with the alcoholic? How many of us have made excuses for them, loaned them money, bailed them out of jail, covered bad checks, or taken similar actions over and over again, each time hoping that this will be the last time?
In AlAnon, we will learn an entirely new approach to the alcoholic. We will gradually begin to stop letting them drain away our energy and resources and, in this way, our lives begin to be restored to sanity! Enjoy the journey!
~Deborah-Diane
Letting Our Higher Power Restore Us to Sanity
Many newcomers to AlAnon are particularly uncomfortable with the Second Step, because it deals with their attitudes about God. They have joined this organization for friends and families of alcoholics because their life is miserable as a result of the actions of someone they love ... in particular, their addictions or alcoholism. The Second Step tells them that they must believe that a "Power Greater than Themselves" can restore them to sanity. Some newcomers fear that they have joined a religious cult. They have their own religious beliefs, and are concerned about what is meant by a Power greater than themselves. Other new members may have given up on God and become atheists; they feel that they have no need for God. Still others feel insulted that this step hints that they need to be restored to sanity. What exactly does all this mean to you?
Search your heart, and accept that there is a power in the universe greater than yourself!
If you are a newcomer who already has your own, cherished religious beliefs, let me assure you that there is nothing in the AlAnon program that is contrary to those beliefs. I have been a member of AlAnon for over 28 years, and have known members of all faiths. Meetings are held around the world, attended by people of every faith, and these meetings have brought comfort to many friends and families of alcoholics. The Second Step actually says that you can use your own, personal religious beliefs to help you through the pain of living with an alcoholic. It encourages you to rely on your own personal religious beliefs to find comfort and support. No one in AlAnon should tell you that you need to be a part of any particular faith or religious tradition in order to participate. The organization is there to help the friends and families of alcoholics, or drug abusers, not to change your religious beliefs!
You may be interested to know that, even if you are an atheist, the Second Step will still benefit you. In AlAnon you will discover that the Power greater than yourself can be whatever you personally believe about the universe. Whether you belief in Fate, the intrinsic goodness of the human race, nature, or the healing fellowship of belonging to a group, these are beliefs in a Power greater than yourself alone. By becoming attuned to the universe, as you understand it, you will be able to restore your life to peace and sanity.
Ahhh, the word "sanity!" This last part of the Second Step seems insulting to many new AlAnon members. After all, most of us feel that we have been the only person in the relationship who has been maintaining some semblance of sanity in our households. How is it that we now need to be restored to sanity? The truth is that, if we are honest, most of us feel as though we are living on the edge. Many of us feel that we just can't handle one more problem, one more job loss, one more DUI, or one more quarrel with the alcoholic. AlAnon will help us learn how to use our religious beliefs or personal philosophies to guide our thinking and behavior towards a happier, more serene existence. Not only will you begin to feel saner, you will also feel a peace that you may never have experienced before!
One more thought about the word "sanity," as used in AlAnon. Many people describe insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting different results. How many of us have done this, in handling our situation with the alcoholic? How many of us have made excuses for them, loaned them money, bailed them out of jail, covered bad checks, or taken similar actions over and over again, each time hoping that this will be the last time?
In AlAnon, we will learn an entirely new approach to the alcoholic. We will gradually begin to stop letting them drain away our energy and resources and, in this way, our lives begin to be restored to sanity! Enjoy the journey!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Third Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
Like Alcoholics Anonymous, AlAnon has a 12 Step Program that is designed to help its members recover. In Alcoholics Anonymous, the purpose of the steps is to help members stop drinking. In AlAnon, the purpose of the steps is to help members stop trying to control the alcoholics and drug abusers that we know. The steps also help people learn to stop allowing the alcoholics to create havoc in their lives. When we take an AlAnon Third Step, we say that we have made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him. This also means that we have to be willing to turn over to God the lives of the people who we love, even when we don't agree with the way they are living those lives. This can be much more difficult than it sounds! Below you will learn a little more about this step and how it can help those of us who love an alcoholic.
Trust in Your Higher Power
The first decision you must make when taking an AlAnon Third Step is to trust in God, or some kind of Higher Power. You have to believe that the life of the alcoholic is out of your control and trust that they are in the hands of a power far greater than yourself. It's important to know, though, that in AlAnon, and Alcoholics Anonymous, we do not dictate what you must believe about God. The God of your understanding can be the God of the religion you grew up with, or your personal higher power, however you describe it. Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or of any other faith, you can believe, and trust, in your personal God. You do not need to change religions, or believe something that makes you uncomfortable. This step may be more difficult if you do not have a religious background, because it may seem difficult to believe that there is a higher power in the universe. However, even if you believe only in fate, luck, the power of love, a therapist or a counselor, you can still learn to turn your will and your life over to these sources of strength and power in your life.
Turn Your Will and Your Life over to a Power Greater than Yourself
Once you agree that you are willing to turn your will and your life over to a power greater than yourself, you also have to do the same for the people you love. You must trust that, no matter how bad their decisions seem to be, God, a Higher Power or Fate is working in their lives, too. The difficulties they are encountering may simply be something that they have to go through. Perhaps their troubles will lead them to sobriety. Maybe they are meant to be an example to someone else. You just have to trust that they are in God's hands.
Believe that your Loves Ones also are Under the Care of a Higher Power
Turning the people we love over to the care of God, as part of your AlAnon Third Step, gives you a whole new perspective on what happens to them. If your alcoholic child or spouse is arrested for drunk driving or drug possession, you can feel at peace knowing that they are being given an opportunity to change their lives. If they spend time in jail, you'll know that they are not endangering themselves or others with their reckless behavior. Perhaps this experience will even be the wake-up call that they need in order to become sober.
No matter what happens in your life, or the lives of the people you love, knowing that both you, and they, are in the hands of God can help you to deal with life in a whole new way! The AlAnon Third Step can bring you peace, comfort and a serenity that you never before knew was possible!
~Deborah-Diane
Like Alcoholics Anonymous, AlAnon has a 12 Step Program that is designed to help its members recover. In Alcoholics Anonymous, the purpose of the steps is to help members stop drinking. In AlAnon, the purpose of the steps is to help members stop trying to control the alcoholics and drug abusers that we know. The steps also help people learn to stop allowing the alcoholics to create havoc in their lives. When we take an AlAnon Third Step, we say that we have made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him. This also means that we have to be willing to turn over to God the lives of the people who we love, even when we don't agree with the way they are living those lives. This can be much more difficult than it sounds! Below you will learn a little more about this step and how it can help those of us who love an alcoholic.
Trust in Your Higher Power
The first decision you must make when taking an AlAnon Third Step is to trust in God, or some kind of Higher Power. You have to believe that the life of the alcoholic is out of your control and trust that they are in the hands of a power far greater than yourself. It's important to know, though, that in AlAnon, and Alcoholics Anonymous, we do not dictate what you must believe about God. The God of your understanding can be the God of the religion you grew up with, or your personal higher power, however you describe it. Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or of any other faith, you can believe, and trust, in your personal God. You do not need to change religions, or believe something that makes you uncomfortable. This step may be more difficult if you do not have a religious background, because it may seem difficult to believe that there is a higher power in the universe. However, even if you believe only in fate, luck, the power of love, a therapist or a counselor, you can still learn to turn your will and your life over to these sources of strength and power in your life.
Turn Your Will and Your Life over to a Power Greater than Yourself
Once you agree that you are willing to turn your will and your life over to a power greater than yourself, you also have to do the same for the people you love. You must trust that, no matter how bad their decisions seem to be, God, a Higher Power or Fate is working in their lives, too. The difficulties they are encountering may simply be something that they have to go through. Perhaps their troubles will lead them to sobriety. Maybe they are meant to be an example to someone else. You just have to trust that they are in God's hands.
Believe that your Loves Ones also are Under the Care of a Higher Power
Turning the people we love over to the care of God, as part of your AlAnon Third Step, gives you a whole new perspective on what happens to them. If your alcoholic child or spouse is arrested for drunk driving or drug possession, you can feel at peace knowing that they are being given an opportunity to change their lives. If they spend time in jail, you'll know that they are not endangering themselves or others with their reckless behavior. Perhaps this experience will even be the wake-up call that they need in order to become sober.
No matter what happens in your life, or the lives of the people you love, knowing that both you, and they, are in the hands of God can help you to deal with life in a whole new way! The AlAnon Third Step can bring you peace, comfort and a serenity that you never before knew was possible!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Fourth Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
Learn More About Yourself than You Thought Possible!
Your AlAnon Fourth Step Inventory is the beginning of a deeper understanding of yourself and your life. Taking it will help restore some peace and serenity to your life.
Most of us have done an inventory at some time in our lives. We may have taken an inventory of the stock on hand at the business where we work; perhaps it was an inventory of the groceries on hand in our kitchen; or we may have been listing the inventory in our home at the time we are moving or completing an application for homeowner's insurance. When we reach the Fourth Step in AlAnon, it is time for us to take a personal inventory of our own strengths and weaknesses. The Fourth Step suggests, in fact, that this inventory be searching and fearless. If you are a member of AlAnon, you may be wondering why YOU should have to take an inventory about YOUR strengths and weaknesses. After all, you are absolutely certain that the real cause of your unhappiness is the alcoholic, not anything that you are doing! However, as you'll see, focusing exclusively on the alcoholic may be one of your weaknesses!
Take an AlAnon Fourth Step
Members of AlAnon are fortunate to have a booklet called "Blueprint for Progress" which is designed to make it easier for us to do our inventory. It is designed especially for AlAnon members, and helps us focus on issues that most of us have in common. In fact, when I have helped newcomers to AlAnon do their Fourth Step, I am often surprised by how similar our answers are, regardless whether they are men or women, young or old.
What are some of the issues covered in AlAnon's "Blueprint for Progress?" You will be encouraged to examine your ability to be honest, responsible, grateful, trustworthy, mature, loving and a good communicator, among other things. Most AlAnon members are comfortable with these issues. After all, you may feel that you have been the person holding your family together. In addition, you will be also discovering your attitudes about self-worth and intimacy. Often, AlAnon members have low feelings of self-worth or self-esteem, so this is an area that is more difficult for them. Finally, you will explore the ways you handle anger, finances, resentments, guilt, shame and fear. Each of these topics will be discussed on several pages of the "Blueprint for Progress," along with a list of questions for each of us to consider.
Don't feel overwhelmed when you begin your AlAnon Fourth Step. Remember that most AlAnon members take several months to complete their Fourth Step. However, once you have completed it you will discover more about yourself than you ever thought possible. You will find that your sense of self-worth is enhanced. You will find that you have a lot of good character traits that you can be proud of. You may also find that you have some areas where you can improve. For example, you might come to realize that you have been unnecessarily burdened by feelings of guilt, shame and fear. You may also discover that your resentments are causing you to feel unhappy and angry. These realizations may help you recognize that you can shed yourself of some of those negative emotions and find a new sense of freedom, peace and serenity. I know that may seem unbelievable at first. However, this is what we are working towards. Remember that we strive for progress, not perfection!
The AlAnon Fourth Step is a journey that will have a permanent affect on your life. You will learn so much about yourself that you will eventually come to cherish your "Blueprint for Progress, " and want to reexamine it from time to time. Good luck as you embark on this opportunity to experience unfettered self-examination!
~Deborah-Diane
Learn More About Yourself than You Thought Possible!
Your AlAnon Fourth Step Inventory is the beginning of a deeper understanding of yourself and your life. Taking it will help restore some peace and serenity to your life.
Most of us have done an inventory at some time in our lives. We may have taken an inventory of the stock on hand at the business where we work; perhaps it was an inventory of the groceries on hand in our kitchen; or we may have been listing the inventory in our home at the time we are moving or completing an application for homeowner's insurance. When we reach the Fourth Step in AlAnon, it is time for us to take a personal inventory of our own strengths and weaknesses. The Fourth Step suggests, in fact, that this inventory be searching and fearless. If you are a member of AlAnon, you may be wondering why YOU should have to take an inventory about YOUR strengths and weaknesses. After all, you are absolutely certain that the real cause of your unhappiness is the alcoholic, not anything that you are doing! However, as you'll see, focusing exclusively on the alcoholic may be one of your weaknesses!
Take an AlAnon Fourth Step
Members of AlAnon are fortunate to have a booklet called "Blueprint for Progress" which is designed to make it easier for us to do our inventory. It is designed especially for AlAnon members, and helps us focus on issues that most of us have in common. In fact, when I have helped newcomers to AlAnon do their Fourth Step, I am often surprised by how similar our answers are, regardless whether they are men or women, young or old.
What are some of the issues covered in AlAnon's "Blueprint for Progress?" You will be encouraged to examine your ability to be honest, responsible, grateful, trustworthy, mature, loving and a good communicator, among other things. Most AlAnon members are comfortable with these issues. After all, you may feel that you have been the person holding your family together. In addition, you will be also discovering your attitudes about self-worth and intimacy. Often, AlAnon members have low feelings of self-worth or self-esteem, so this is an area that is more difficult for them. Finally, you will explore the ways you handle anger, finances, resentments, guilt, shame and fear. Each of these topics will be discussed on several pages of the "Blueprint for Progress," along with a list of questions for each of us to consider.
Don't feel overwhelmed when you begin your AlAnon Fourth Step. Remember that most AlAnon members take several months to complete their Fourth Step. However, once you have completed it you will discover more about yourself than you ever thought possible. You will find that your sense of self-worth is enhanced. You will find that you have a lot of good character traits that you can be proud of. You may also find that you have some areas where you can improve. For example, you might come to realize that you have been unnecessarily burdened by feelings of guilt, shame and fear. You may also discover that your resentments are causing you to feel unhappy and angry. These realizations may help you recognize that you can shed yourself of some of those negative emotions and find a new sense of freedom, peace and serenity. I know that may seem unbelievable at first. However, this is what we are working towards. Remember that we strive for progress, not perfection!
The AlAnon Fourth Step is a journey that will have a permanent affect on your life. You will learn so much about yourself that you will eventually come to cherish your "Blueprint for Progress, " and want to reexamine it from time to time. Good luck as you embark on this opportunity to experience unfettered self-examination!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Fifth Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
Share Your Fourth Step Inventory. An AlAnon Sponsor will Help!
Once you have taken the AlAnon Fourth Step, which asked you to make a fearless and detailed personal inventory of your strengths and weaknesses, the AlAnon Fifth Step asks you to closely examine the results of your inventory. You must carefully consider it yourself, as well as share it with God and one other person. Typically, that one other person is your AlAnon sponsor, a compassionate person who you have asked to lead your through the AlAnon Twelve Steps. For many people in AlAnon, this can be a terrifying experience.
So, why is it so difficult for new AlAnon members to admit to themselves, God and one other person the exact nature of their strengths and weaknesses?
Find an AlAnon member to become your sponsor!
First, you may feel that your weaknesses far outweigh your strengths. Because of this, it may be very uncomfortable for you to be willing to admit your defects of character, even to yourself. However, your Fourth Step inventory is an important part of your AlAnon recovery program. It is intended to assist you in seeing your strengths, as well as your weaknesses. Many AlAnon members who are new to the program feel so discouraged with the way that their life has turned out, that they have trouble seeing any good in themselves. However, if they look hard, they will usually come to realize that their biggest weakness has simply been caring too much for someone who is suffering from alcohol or drug addiction. Caring too much is not a weakness!
We just need to discover ways to channel our love in healthier directions and, at the same time, learn how to take care of ourselves and establish meaningful boundaries.
In other cases, AlAnon members may be uncomfortable because they have told lies in the past, especially to cover up for the alcoholic or to avoid conflict with the alcoholic. They may feel guilty about this and other actions that they have taken. The important thing to remember is the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt means feeling bad about something you did. Shame means feeling bad about the person you are. Guilt can be resolved by making amends for past actions. Shame is something which we work to overcome in AlAnon. No one, no matter what their background, should feel shame just because they exist! We all have strengths and ways in which we are able to contribute to our families and society as a whole. We all are important and worthy of friendship and love.
The next reason you may feel uncomfortable taking the AlAnon Fifth Step is that you may have a strained relationship with God. Some newcomers to AlAnon feel awkward praying and confessing their shortcomings to God. Some members may not believe He exists. Other members may feel that they have fallen too low, and that God no longer cares for them. There is a slogan in AlAnon and Alcoholics Anonymous which states, "Fake it till you make it." Regarding this step, it means that you should go through the motions of praying and admitting your shortcomings to God, even if you don't believe it will make any difference. At the worst, it can't hurt anything; at best, you may be surprised at the outcome!
In addition, you may worry about sharing your Fifth Step because you do not know how to find someone who will listen to you share your Fourth Step inventory. Or, you may feel embarrassed to tell someone else your strengths and weaknesses. You may not want to go into detail about some of the actions that you have taken in the past. Have you lost your temper, and said horrible things to someone you love? Have you lied to your alcoholic's boss about his absences from work? Have you lied to family members about why the alcoholic appears to be ill so often? Do you feel that you have abandoned or mistreated your family? Do not despair. Many of the members of AlAnon have said and done the same things you have. We all feel a deep bond with each other that comes from these shared experiences.
If you haven't already found a sponsor by the Fifth Step, now is the time to do so. Look around your meeting and see if there is someone that you feel has a story that you identify with, or someone who has a sense of serenity that you admire. Ask this person to be your sponsor. This is the person who will listen to you share the strengths and weaknesses that you discovered while doing your Fourth Step inventory. This is the person who will guide you through the remainder of the 12 steps, who will be your confidant, who will listen when you go through difficult times with the alcoholic or drug abuser in your life. For many AlAnon members, the sponsor who listens to their Fourth Step inventory becomes one of their best friends for the remainder of their life.
Finally, you may be in a situation in which it is difficult for you to get to your AlAnon meetings. Perhaps you have young children, and can't get a babysitter. You may discover that there are some meetings in your area that offer free babysitting. Or, you may have a problem with transportation or getting around because of health issues. If you have access to a computer, you may be surprised to learn that there are online AlAnon meetings. Discovering AlAnon online has been a life saver for many individuals who feel isolated by the alcoholic. There are Al-Anon chat rooms and forums which may be very helpful to you. Whatever your situation, try to get to an AlAnon meeting, even if it is AlAnon online.
~Deborah-Diane
Share Your Fourth Step Inventory. An AlAnon Sponsor will Help!
Once you have taken the AlAnon Fourth Step, which asked you to make a fearless and detailed personal inventory of your strengths and weaknesses, the AlAnon Fifth Step asks you to closely examine the results of your inventory. You must carefully consider it yourself, as well as share it with God and one other person. Typically, that one other person is your AlAnon sponsor, a compassionate person who you have asked to lead your through the AlAnon Twelve Steps. For many people in AlAnon, this can be a terrifying experience.
So, why is it so difficult for new AlAnon members to admit to themselves, God and one other person the exact nature of their strengths and weaknesses?
Find an AlAnon member to become your sponsor!
First, you may feel that your weaknesses far outweigh your strengths. Because of this, it may be very uncomfortable for you to be willing to admit your defects of character, even to yourself. However, your Fourth Step inventory is an important part of your AlAnon recovery program. It is intended to assist you in seeing your strengths, as well as your weaknesses. Many AlAnon members who are new to the program feel so discouraged with the way that their life has turned out, that they have trouble seeing any good in themselves. However, if they look hard, they will usually come to realize that their biggest weakness has simply been caring too much for someone who is suffering from alcohol or drug addiction. Caring too much is not a weakness!
We just need to discover ways to channel our love in healthier directions and, at the same time, learn how to take care of ourselves and establish meaningful boundaries.
In other cases, AlAnon members may be uncomfortable because they have told lies in the past, especially to cover up for the alcoholic or to avoid conflict with the alcoholic. They may feel guilty about this and other actions that they have taken. The important thing to remember is the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt means feeling bad about something you did. Shame means feeling bad about the person you are. Guilt can be resolved by making amends for past actions. Shame is something which we work to overcome in AlAnon. No one, no matter what their background, should feel shame just because they exist! We all have strengths and ways in which we are able to contribute to our families and society as a whole. We all are important and worthy of friendship and love.
The next reason you may feel uncomfortable taking the AlAnon Fifth Step is that you may have a strained relationship with God. Some newcomers to AlAnon feel awkward praying and confessing their shortcomings to God. Some members may not believe He exists. Other members may feel that they have fallen too low, and that God no longer cares for them. There is a slogan in AlAnon and Alcoholics Anonymous which states, "Fake it till you make it." Regarding this step, it means that you should go through the motions of praying and admitting your shortcomings to God, even if you don't believe it will make any difference. At the worst, it can't hurt anything; at best, you may be surprised at the outcome!
In addition, you may worry about sharing your Fifth Step because you do not know how to find someone who will listen to you share your Fourth Step inventory. Or, you may feel embarrassed to tell someone else your strengths and weaknesses. You may not want to go into detail about some of the actions that you have taken in the past. Have you lost your temper, and said horrible things to someone you love? Have you lied to your alcoholic's boss about his absences from work? Have you lied to family members about why the alcoholic appears to be ill so often? Do you feel that you have abandoned or mistreated your family? Do not despair. Many of the members of AlAnon have said and done the same things you have. We all feel a deep bond with each other that comes from these shared experiences.
If you haven't already found a sponsor by the Fifth Step, now is the time to do so. Look around your meeting and see if there is someone that you feel has a story that you identify with, or someone who has a sense of serenity that you admire. Ask this person to be your sponsor. This is the person who will listen to you share the strengths and weaknesses that you discovered while doing your Fourth Step inventory. This is the person who will guide you through the remainder of the 12 steps, who will be your confidant, who will listen when you go through difficult times with the alcoholic or drug abuser in your life. For many AlAnon members, the sponsor who listens to their Fourth Step inventory becomes one of their best friends for the remainder of their life.
Finally, you may be in a situation in which it is difficult for you to get to your AlAnon meetings. Perhaps you have young children, and can't get a babysitter. You may discover that there are some meetings in your area that offer free babysitting. Or, you may have a problem with transportation or getting around because of health issues. If you have access to a computer, you may be surprised to learn that there are online AlAnon meetings. Discovering AlAnon online has been a life saver for many individuals who feel isolated by the alcoholic. There are Al-Anon chat rooms and forums which may be very helpful to you. Whatever your situation, try to get to an AlAnon meeting, even if it is AlAnon online.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Sixth Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
Are You Ready to Get Rid of Your Defects?
By the time members of AlAnon have reached the Sixth Step, out of the 12 Steps of AlAnon, they have made a list of their defects of character and shared them with someone else. The Sixth Step tells them that they must now feel entirely ready to have God remove their defects of character. It doesn't matter how you envision your personal Higher Power ... whether in nature, in a church, a synagogue or a mosque. You simply need to be willing to ask a power greater than yourself to take away your character defects.
As a long term member of AlAnon, I have listened to dozens of AlAnon members share their Fourth Step inventory, and most of them initially say that they are eager to have their Higher Power remove their defects. After all, who would want to go through life with defects in our character? However, surprisingly, many of them are not as ready as they think.
Taking the Sixth Step of AlAnon can be more stressful than we first realize. Although all of us think that we would be happy to have our defects removed, some of our character flaws may seem like such a part of our personality that we don't even realize they are a problem. For example, do you have trouble saying "no" to people? You may have become so kind towards others, that you don't always have enough energy left over to take care of yourself. Despite this, you may still be reluctant to say "no" when people ask you to do almost anything, whether it is babysitting their children, caring for your sick relatives, or running your church nursery's volunteer program. However, "terminal niceness" is one of the character defects that you may need to be prepared to discuss with God. This can be scary. Many AlAnon members immediately begin to worry that people won't "like" them anymore. However, when you learn to say "no" nicely, but firmly, you may be surprised that people will not only still like you, but they will also respect you.
As we prepare to take the Sixth Step of AlAnon, and get ready to request that God remove our defects, first we must spend some time thinking about the flaws we want Him to remove. If you get a lot of praise for being overly-generous, even when your generosity harms yourself or others, are you really ready to ask for that character flaw to be removed? If you have been a pushover your entire life, are you actually prepared to request help to become more assertive? If you've always gotten your way by "whining," are you willing to learn to speak up for yourself in a calm, mature way?
In addition to the character flaws of being overly-generous and a pushover, there may be other defects that you are reluctant to give up. The anger we've felt towards the alcoholic for years is another issue to consider. Do you feel resentful towards the alcoholic? Do you feel self-righteous anger? Does a little voice inside of you say that the alcoholic deserves to suffer? We may be reluctant to give up these defects. Instead, we may feel that we are entitled to them! Many new members of AlAnon have found it helpful to spend some time in prayer and meditation as they prepare themselves to have a new attitude.
If you have been unwilling to admit your faults, and still want to blame someone else for your own unhappiness, it may be difficult for you to turn your flaws over to God. You may also find that you spend a lot of time wallowing in grief or disappointment because of past events. Or, fear could cause you to spend a lot of time living in the "wreckage of the future," rather than living just for today. This means you have become so certain that you have more disasters ahead of you that you cannot enjoy the present. That is why the program teaches us to live "one day at a time." If this is your situation, take a deep breath and prepare to ask that all these defects of character be removed, too.
The most important thing to remember in taking the AlAnon Sixth Step is that we are preparing ourselves to ask GOD to remove our defects of character. We are not saying that WE will remove our defects. This is one of the steps where we continue to prepare ourselves to turn our lives over to our higher power.
As you consider your defects of character, and decide which ones you are ready to have removed, you will begin to realize that you may not feel ready to ask God to remove all your defects. Many members need to carefully consider which defects they are prepared to ask to have removed when they meditate on the Sixth Step. Gradually, they may return to the Sixth Step again and again until they feel prepared to ask God to remove their defects. Only when you have decided you are ready, should you move on to the Seventh Step … which is when you actually ask God to remove your defects!
That's right. All you have to do in the Sixth Step is to become willing. You don't actually ask for anything, yet. While many AlAnon members tend to gloss over this step, it is extremely important. There is no point in asking your Higher Power to help your with your flaws, if you don't feel ready to have them removed. Take your time and really think about this step. You will be glad you did!
~Deborah-Diane
Are You Ready to Get Rid of Your Defects?
By the time members of AlAnon have reached the Sixth Step, out of the 12 Steps of AlAnon, they have made a list of their defects of character and shared them with someone else. The Sixth Step tells them that they must now feel entirely ready to have God remove their defects of character. It doesn't matter how you envision your personal Higher Power ... whether in nature, in a church, a synagogue or a mosque. You simply need to be willing to ask a power greater than yourself to take away your character defects.
As a long term member of AlAnon, I have listened to dozens of AlAnon members share their Fourth Step inventory, and most of them initially say that they are eager to have their Higher Power remove their defects. After all, who would want to go through life with defects in our character? However, surprisingly, many of them are not as ready as they think.
Taking the Sixth Step of AlAnon can be more stressful than we first realize. Although all of us think that we would be happy to have our defects removed, some of our character flaws may seem like such a part of our personality that we don't even realize they are a problem. For example, do you have trouble saying "no" to people? You may have become so kind towards others, that you don't always have enough energy left over to take care of yourself. Despite this, you may still be reluctant to say "no" when people ask you to do almost anything, whether it is babysitting their children, caring for your sick relatives, or running your church nursery's volunteer program. However, "terminal niceness" is one of the character defects that you may need to be prepared to discuss with God. This can be scary. Many AlAnon members immediately begin to worry that people won't "like" them anymore. However, when you learn to say "no" nicely, but firmly, you may be surprised that people will not only still like you, but they will also respect you.
As we prepare to take the Sixth Step of AlAnon, and get ready to request that God remove our defects, first we must spend some time thinking about the flaws we want Him to remove. If you get a lot of praise for being overly-generous, even when your generosity harms yourself or others, are you really ready to ask for that character flaw to be removed? If you have been a pushover your entire life, are you actually prepared to request help to become more assertive? If you've always gotten your way by "whining," are you willing to learn to speak up for yourself in a calm, mature way?
In addition to the character flaws of being overly-generous and a pushover, there may be other defects that you are reluctant to give up. The anger we've felt towards the alcoholic for years is another issue to consider. Do you feel resentful towards the alcoholic? Do you feel self-righteous anger? Does a little voice inside of you say that the alcoholic deserves to suffer? We may be reluctant to give up these defects. Instead, we may feel that we are entitled to them! Many new members of AlAnon have found it helpful to spend some time in prayer and meditation as they prepare themselves to have a new attitude.
If you have been unwilling to admit your faults, and still want to blame someone else for your own unhappiness, it may be difficult for you to turn your flaws over to God. You may also find that you spend a lot of time wallowing in grief or disappointment because of past events. Or, fear could cause you to spend a lot of time living in the "wreckage of the future," rather than living just for today. This means you have become so certain that you have more disasters ahead of you that you cannot enjoy the present. That is why the program teaches us to live "one day at a time." If this is your situation, take a deep breath and prepare to ask that all these defects of character be removed, too.
The most important thing to remember in taking the AlAnon Sixth Step is that we are preparing ourselves to ask GOD to remove our defects of character. We are not saying that WE will remove our defects. This is one of the steps where we continue to prepare ourselves to turn our lives over to our higher power.
As you consider your defects of character, and decide which ones you are ready to have removed, you will begin to realize that you may not feel ready to ask God to remove all your defects. Many members need to carefully consider which defects they are prepared to ask to have removed when they meditate on the Sixth Step. Gradually, they may return to the Sixth Step again and again until they feel prepared to ask God to remove their defects. Only when you have decided you are ready, should you move on to the Seventh Step … which is when you actually ask God to remove your defects!
That's right. All you have to do in the Sixth Step is to become willing. You don't actually ask for anything, yet. While many AlAnon members tend to gloss over this step, it is extremely important. There is no point in asking your Higher Power to help your with your flaws, if you don't feel ready to have them removed. Take your time and really think about this step. You will be glad you did!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Seventh Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
The AlAnon Steps Bring Us Peace and Serenity
AlAnon is a 12 Step program, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact, the steps are almost identical. Like AA, you are given the opportunity to work on self-improvement, because that is the way you can pull yourself out of the pit of despair that you may feel you have fallen into.
In the 7th Step of AlAnon, you are expected to humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings. Of course, most of us would rather pray that the alcoholic's defects of character are removed! Unfortunately, the program does not work that way!
When doing the AlAnon Seventh Step prayer, only you know what you need to say to the God of Your Understanding. Still, the prayer seems to help us find the peace and serenity we crave in our lives.
ASKING GOD TO REMOVE OUR DEFECTS OF CHARACTER
In asking God to remove our own character defects, it is important that we have done the steps in order. It may seem that it would be a lot easier to just make a general petition to God, asking Him to remove all our character defects, without examining them first in steps four through six. However, it is only in going through a thorough process of self-examination that we can possibly know what we are really asking God to remove. This is also the only way that we will be able to see the progress we are making during our time in the AlAnon program.
How should we go about asking God to remove our shortcomings? During my many years as an AlAnon member, here are some of the thoughts about this step that I've heard mentioned by my fellow AlAnon members.
First, now that you have shared your shortcomings with someone else, and decided that you really want to change, you need to ask God, however you envision Him, to help you to remove your shortcomings. Pray to God in the way that is comfortable for you, and that is in keeping with your religious beliefs.
Once you have asked God to remove your defects of character, does this mean that everything about you will suddenly be different? That is unlikely. However, AlAnon members believe that your faith in God will help set you on the path to changing your life for the better. Most AlAnon members admit that they did not feel any immediate difference after they asked God to remove their shortcomings in the 7th Step. However, during the following weeks and months, a series of small successes made them realize that God was working in their lives.
HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF OURSELVES AND OTHERS
Second, after doing the 7th Step of AlAnon, you will learn to be realistic. After all, having unrealistic expectations of others is one of our potential defects. Having unrealistic expectations of ourselves can also keep us from being satisfied with our own progress. We are going to make mistakes. We are sometimes going to slip back into past behaviors. However, every time we handle a situation in a more relaxed way, each time we accept responsibility for our own part in our unhappiness, each time we behave in a more mature and assertive manner, each time we mend a damaged relationship, we will see that God is helping us grow and move forward. God is gradually removing our defects of character, even if we don't get a sudden bolt of lightning or a voice from above telling us that we are now going to be perfect! It's a journey, not a destination.
PERSONAL CHANGE COMES SLOWLY ... BUT YOU WILL CHANGE
Finally, we discover after doing our AlAnon 7th Step that God often uses other people within the organization to help us outgrow our defects of character. Having a sponsor will give us another point of view, when we just cannot see our own part in our situation. Spending time with AlAnon friends will help us remember to take things one day at a time. Talking on the phone with another AlAnon member will help us learn to take it easy. Gradually, turning your life over to God will help you see things more clearly, and you will realize that, although you will always have defects of character, these defects will no longer be such a destructive force in your life. Asking the God of your understanding to remove your defects, when you pray to Him in your Seventh Step, is just the beginning of a lifetime of progress.
~Deborah-Diane
The AlAnon Steps Bring Us Peace and Serenity
AlAnon is a 12 Step program, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. In fact, the steps are almost identical. Like AA, you are given the opportunity to work on self-improvement, because that is the way you can pull yourself out of the pit of despair that you may feel you have fallen into.
In the 7th Step of AlAnon, you are expected to humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings. Of course, most of us would rather pray that the alcoholic's defects of character are removed! Unfortunately, the program does not work that way!
When doing the AlAnon Seventh Step prayer, only you know what you need to say to the God of Your Understanding. Still, the prayer seems to help us find the peace and serenity we crave in our lives.
ASKING GOD TO REMOVE OUR DEFECTS OF CHARACTER
In asking God to remove our own character defects, it is important that we have done the steps in order. It may seem that it would be a lot easier to just make a general petition to God, asking Him to remove all our character defects, without examining them first in steps four through six. However, it is only in going through a thorough process of self-examination that we can possibly know what we are really asking God to remove. This is also the only way that we will be able to see the progress we are making during our time in the AlAnon program.
How should we go about asking God to remove our shortcomings? During my many years as an AlAnon member, here are some of the thoughts about this step that I've heard mentioned by my fellow AlAnon members.
First, now that you have shared your shortcomings with someone else, and decided that you really want to change, you need to ask God, however you envision Him, to help you to remove your shortcomings. Pray to God in the way that is comfortable for you, and that is in keeping with your religious beliefs.
Once you have asked God to remove your defects of character, does this mean that everything about you will suddenly be different? That is unlikely. However, AlAnon members believe that your faith in God will help set you on the path to changing your life for the better. Most AlAnon members admit that they did not feel any immediate difference after they asked God to remove their shortcomings in the 7th Step. However, during the following weeks and months, a series of small successes made them realize that God was working in their lives.
HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF OURSELVES AND OTHERS
Second, after doing the 7th Step of AlAnon, you will learn to be realistic. After all, having unrealistic expectations of others is one of our potential defects. Having unrealistic expectations of ourselves can also keep us from being satisfied with our own progress. We are going to make mistakes. We are sometimes going to slip back into past behaviors. However, every time we handle a situation in a more relaxed way, each time we accept responsibility for our own part in our unhappiness, each time we behave in a more mature and assertive manner, each time we mend a damaged relationship, we will see that God is helping us grow and move forward. God is gradually removing our defects of character, even if we don't get a sudden bolt of lightning or a voice from above telling us that we are now going to be perfect! It's a journey, not a destination.
PERSONAL CHANGE COMES SLOWLY ... BUT YOU WILL CHANGE
Finally, we discover after doing our AlAnon 7th Step that God often uses other people within the organization to help us outgrow our defects of character. Having a sponsor will give us another point of view, when we just cannot see our own part in our situation. Spending time with AlAnon friends will help us remember to take things one day at a time. Talking on the phone with another AlAnon member will help us learn to take it easy. Gradually, turning your life over to God will help you see things more clearly, and you will realize that, although you will always have defects of character, these defects will no longer be such a destructive force in your life. Asking the God of your understanding to remove your defects, when you pray to Him in your Seventh Step, is just the beginning of a lifetime of progress.
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Eighth Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
Using the AlAnon Twelve Steps with help you rebuild your relationships with the people you love.
The AlAnon Eighth Step asks us to make a list of people we have harmed and to become willing to make amends to them. The fact that WE need to make amends surprises many people. After all, we reason, didn't the alcoholics hurt more people than we did? Don't they owe amends to us? And, yet, who among us have not hurt, been rude to, or harmed someone else? In this step, we concentrate only on making the list and becoming willing to make amends. We don't need to start to make the amends, yet. Now, who should go on the list?
MAKE ALANON AMENDS TO YOURSELF
First, put yourself on the list. Most members of AlAnon have spent a lot of time berating themselves for their past mistakes. They may secretly blame themselves for contributing to their loved one's alcoholism. They may think that they enabled the drinking to go on far too long. Or, they may believe that they caused the alcoholism by being overly-critical or over-demanding. Even if the AlAnon member has come to accept that they are not responsible for the alcoholism, they may feel guilty for spending too much time taking care of the alcoholic, which may have caused them to neglect children or other members of the family. In addition, they just may feel that they have done mean, foolish or embarrassing things in the past. Whichever category you fall into, you need to put yourself on the list of people you need to forgive and make amends to.
MAKE ALANON AMENDS TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY
Then, look at the list of character defects you made in your AlAnon Fourth Step. Who were these character defects aimed at? If you were resentful, angry, selfish or controlling in the Fourth Step, those actions were directed at other people and may have caused you to treat others badly. Did you tell lies to some of these people to cover up for the alcoholic? Have your been excessively irritable? Did you become self-centered and depressed, causing you to neglect family members? Write down the names of these individuals whom you have harmed.
Next, add co-workers, neighbors, friends and family members who are on your mind because you realize you have mistreated them in the past. Do you have a long-standing feud with a relative? What was your part in the feud? Have you hurled angry words at an inconsiderate neighbor, co-worker or employee? What other regrets do you have?
MAKE ALANON AMENDS TO THE ALCOHOLIC OR DRUG ABUSER
Finally, put all the alcoholics in your life on your AlAnon Eighth Step list. That's right! Whether they are still active alcoholics, or fresh out of alcohol rehab, you need to think about the things you have said and done to them in the past that make you feel guilty today. The purpose of these amends is not to ignore their behavior, as you may have done in the past. Instead, you are making plans to "sweep your side of the street."
DISCUSS YOUR ALANON AMENDS WITH YOUR SPONSOR
Once you have compiled your list, go over it with your AlAnon sponsor. Your sponsor may remember someone you have hurt or complained about that you have blocked out. Once your list is complete, and you have prayed over it and discussed it with your sponsor, you will be ready to go on to the AlAnon Ninth Step; actually making amends!
~Deborah-Diane
Using the AlAnon Twelve Steps with help you rebuild your relationships with the people you love.
The AlAnon Eighth Step asks us to make a list of people we have harmed and to become willing to make amends to them. The fact that WE need to make amends surprises many people. After all, we reason, didn't the alcoholics hurt more people than we did? Don't they owe amends to us? And, yet, who among us have not hurt, been rude to, or harmed someone else? In this step, we concentrate only on making the list and becoming willing to make amends. We don't need to start to make the amends, yet. Now, who should go on the list?
MAKE ALANON AMENDS TO YOURSELF
First, put yourself on the list. Most members of AlAnon have spent a lot of time berating themselves for their past mistakes. They may secretly blame themselves for contributing to their loved one's alcoholism. They may think that they enabled the drinking to go on far too long. Or, they may believe that they caused the alcoholism by being overly-critical or over-demanding. Even if the AlAnon member has come to accept that they are not responsible for the alcoholism, they may feel guilty for spending too much time taking care of the alcoholic, which may have caused them to neglect children or other members of the family. In addition, they just may feel that they have done mean, foolish or embarrassing things in the past. Whichever category you fall into, you need to put yourself on the list of people you need to forgive and make amends to.
MAKE ALANON AMENDS TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY
Then, look at the list of character defects you made in your AlAnon Fourth Step. Who were these character defects aimed at? If you were resentful, angry, selfish or controlling in the Fourth Step, those actions were directed at other people and may have caused you to treat others badly. Did you tell lies to some of these people to cover up for the alcoholic? Have your been excessively irritable? Did you become self-centered and depressed, causing you to neglect family members? Write down the names of these individuals whom you have harmed.
Next, add co-workers, neighbors, friends and family members who are on your mind because you realize you have mistreated them in the past. Do you have a long-standing feud with a relative? What was your part in the feud? Have you hurled angry words at an inconsiderate neighbor, co-worker or employee? What other regrets do you have?
MAKE ALANON AMENDS TO THE ALCOHOLIC OR DRUG ABUSER
Finally, put all the alcoholics in your life on your AlAnon Eighth Step list. That's right! Whether they are still active alcoholics, or fresh out of alcohol rehab, you need to think about the things you have said and done to them in the past that make you feel guilty today. The purpose of these amends is not to ignore their behavior, as you may have done in the past. Instead, you are making plans to "sweep your side of the street."
DISCUSS YOUR ALANON AMENDS WITH YOUR SPONSOR
Once you have compiled your list, go over it with your AlAnon sponsor. Your sponsor may remember someone you have hurt or complained about that you have blocked out. Once your list is complete, and you have prayed over it and discussed it with your sponsor, you will be ready to go on to the AlAnon Ninth Step; actually making amends!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Ninth Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
Life Gets Better When You Learn to Make Amends
Taking the AlAnon Ninth Steps helps us to begin to have a better relationship with the people we love.
The AlAnon Ninth Step tells us to make amends to the people we have harmed, except when doing so will harm them or someone else. When you first joined AlAnon, you may have felt beaten down and discouraged because of the behavior of the alcoholic in your life. You may not have even wanted to join AlAnon, but came because it was recommended by your alcoholic's alcohol rehab or alcohol treatment program. However, if you have made it to the AlAnon Ninth Step, you have stayed with the program for a while, and have begun to see that you weren't the only person who was affected by the disease of alcoholism. The alcoholism in your family has affected everyone … children, siblings, parents, employers, and friends. The Ninth Step is your opportunity to try to repair some of the damage that has been done and get a fresh start with some of your relationships.
When you took the AlAnon Eighth Step, you made a list of the people you had harmed. The first person you put on the list was yourself. Don't skip this part. Forgive yourself for the foolish, hurtful things you have said and done in the past. Forgive yourself for the people you have hurt, and the people you have avoided or driven away. Everyone has made mistakes in their lives. There is no reason to keep feeling guilty for the ones you have made.
The next person you should have on your list is the alcoholic. You need to feel that you have swept your side of the street clean. Yes, they may be responsible for 90% of the problems between you, but you are sure to have created a few problems, too. Tell them that you regret some of the things that you have said or done in the past. Let them know that you realize that their drinking behavior is their responsibility, not yours. You are not going to try to hurt them anymore, but you are also going to take responsibility for your own happiness. If that means avoiding them when they are drinking, then that's what you'll do. The point is to "mean what you say, but not say it mean!"
Next, look at the remainder of the people on your list and take steps to apologize for anything you have done to hurt them. In addition, commit yourself to changing the way you treat them in the future. If, for example, you are very controlling with your adult children, you will have to practice letting go. It will take them a while to notice the change in you. Relax, and realize that it takes what it takes! Amends can't be made overnight.
While making your Ninth Step amends, you should be aware that not everyone is going to accept your amends in a loving, positive way. In many cases, the initial amends will only serve to cool off the hostility a tiny amount. In fact, other people may be suspicious of your amends, and wonder what you're trying to get from them. They may think you are just covering up, once again, for something the alcoholic has done. If you're making amends to the alcoholic, he may feel that your change in behavior will never last. Other people may feel that nothing you say now can make up for something cruel you said or did in the past. That is OK. Your goal in the AlAnon Ninth Step is not to change someone else's attitude and behavior, but to change your own. You have no control over how they will react and you are not responsible for their reaction.
Here is word of caution to consider before making any amends. Please discuss your plans with your AlAnon sponsor. It is important that none of your amends cause additional harm to someone else. For example, if you have had an affair in the past and it is over, would it cause more harm to your spouse and the other people involved if you suddenly began confessing and apologizing to everyone? If the affair is ongoing, stop it. If, however, the affair is already known to some people, apologize to those people for your past behavior, and assure them that you do not want to engage in this behavior again. Clear the air, but only if you will not cause additional harm.
Once you have decided how you want to make your amends, and have discussed it with your AlAnon sponsor, you are ready to begin. If there are financial amends to make, set up a repayment plan. If you have treated people rudely, go visit them or write them a note. Reach out to people you have pushed away. If you have ignored your other children because all your attention has been on the child with an alcohol or drug problem, refocus your attention on the non-alcoholic children. They need your love and support, too!
What if the person you owe amends to has died, or has moved and you do not know how to reach them? What if the person refuses to talk, or rebuffs your effort to contact them? How can you make amends in these situations? First, pray about it. Sometimes people have been surprised to find out the opportunity to make amends will suddenly open up to them. In other cases, make amends by changing the way you treat people in the future. Make your future life a living amends. Treat people with respect and kindness. Apologize for thoughtless behavior as quickly as possible. Make a donation in the name of the deceased person. All these behaviors will gradually help you to feel that you are doing what you can to make up for past behavior.
~Deborah-Diane
Life Gets Better When You Learn to Make Amends
Taking the AlAnon Ninth Steps helps us to begin to have a better relationship with the people we love.
The AlAnon Ninth Step tells us to make amends to the people we have harmed, except when doing so will harm them or someone else. When you first joined AlAnon, you may have felt beaten down and discouraged because of the behavior of the alcoholic in your life. You may not have even wanted to join AlAnon, but came because it was recommended by your alcoholic's alcohol rehab or alcohol treatment program. However, if you have made it to the AlAnon Ninth Step, you have stayed with the program for a while, and have begun to see that you weren't the only person who was affected by the disease of alcoholism. The alcoholism in your family has affected everyone … children, siblings, parents, employers, and friends. The Ninth Step is your opportunity to try to repair some of the damage that has been done and get a fresh start with some of your relationships.
When you took the AlAnon Eighth Step, you made a list of the people you had harmed. The first person you put on the list was yourself. Don't skip this part. Forgive yourself for the foolish, hurtful things you have said and done in the past. Forgive yourself for the people you have hurt, and the people you have avoided or driven away. Everyone has made mistakes in their lives. There is no reason to keep feeling guilty for the ones you have made.
The next person you should have on your list is the alcoholic. You need to feel that you have swept your side of the street clean. Yes, they may be responsible for 90% of the problems between you, but you are sure to have created a few problems, too. Tell them that you regret some of the things that you have said or done in the past. Let them know that you realize that their drinking behavior is their responsibility, not yours. You are not going to try to hurt them anymore, but you are also going to take responsibility for your own happiness. If that means avoiding them when they are drinking, then that's what you'll do. The point is to "mean what you say, but not say it mean!"
Next, look at the remainder of the people on your list and take steps to apologize for anything you have done to hurt them. In addition, commit yourself to changing the way you treat them in the future. If, for example, you are very controlling with your adult children, you will have to practice letting go. It will take them a while to notice the change in you. Relax, and realize that it takes what it takes! Amends can't be made overnight.
While making your Ninth Step amends, you should be aware that not everyone is going to accept your amends in a loving, positive way. In many cases, the initial amends will only serve to cool off the hostility a tiny amount. In fact, other people may be suspicious of your amends, and wonder what you're trying to get from them. They may think you are just covering up, once again, for something the alcoholic has done. If you're making amends to the alcoholic, he may feel that your change in behavior will never last. Other people may feel that nothing you say now can make up for something cruel you said or did in the past. That is OK. Your goal in the AlAnon Ninth Step is not to change someone else's attitude and behavior, but to change your own. You have no control over how they will react and you are not responsible for their reaction.
Here is word of caution to consider before making any amends. Please discuss your plans with your AlAnon sponsor. It is important that none of your amends cause additional harm to someone else. For example, if you have had an affair in the past and it is over, would it cause more harm to your spouse and the other people involved if you suddenly began confessing and apologizing to everyone? If the affair is ongoing, stop it. If, however, the affair is already known to some people, apologize to those people for your past behavior, and assure them that you do not want to engage in this behavior again. Clear the air, but only if you will not cause additional harm.
Once you have decided how you want to make your amends, and have discussed it with your AlAnon sponsor, you are ready to begin. If there are financial amends to make, set up a repayment plan. If you have treated people rudely, go visit them or write them a note. Reach out to people you have pushed away. If you have ignored your other children because all your attention has been on the child with an alcohol or drug problem, refocus your attention on the non-alcoholic children. They need your love and support, too!
What if the person you owe amends to has died, or has moved and you do not know how to reach them? What if the person refuses to talk, or rebuffs your effort to contact them? How can you make amends in these situations? First, pray about it. Sometimes people have been surprised to find out the opportunity to make amends will suddenly open up to them. In other cases, make amends by changing the way you treat people in the future. Make your future life a living amends. Treat people with respect and kindness. Apologize for thoughtless behavior as quickly as possible. Make a donation in the name of the deceased person. All these behaviors will gradually help you to feel that you are doing what you can to make up for past behavior.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Tenth Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
If you have been unkind to someone you love, admit it and try to start your day over. This is the heart of the AlAnon Tenth Step ... promptly admitting when we are wrong.
By the time you have reached the Tenth Step of AlAnon, you are beginning to feel a sense of peacefulness. You have had the opportunity for self-examination and self-reflection. You have learned to trust the God of your understanding. You have made amends to people that you harmed. How can you retain this sense of peace and serenity? You do this through the AlAnon Tenth Step, which suggests that you continue to take personal inventories and, when you find you are wrong, promptly admit it. How often should we take a personal inventory? During the nearly 30 years I have been in AlAnon, I have learned that many people take a quick personal inventory on a regular basis and a more in-depth inventory every few years. Here are examples of some of the approaches made by different people.
Many members of AlAnon continue to use their Blueprint for Progress as part of a Tenth Step inventory that they do every couple of years. The Blueprint for Progress is a booklet full of questions we should ask ourselves as a way to evaluate our personal growth. It asks us questions such as "Am I responsible?", "Am I Controlling?” Am I Quick to Anger?" or "Am I Handling my Finances well?" As they re-read what they wrote the first time they did an inventory, they have the opportunity to see what progress they have made. If we see that we have been slipping up in our behavior, members will go back and repeat the AlAnon Seventh Step, in which we ask God to remove our defects of character. Then, if they want to be thorough, a member of AlAnon may occasionally repeat their Eighth and Ninth Steps in which they made a list of the people they had harmed and made amends to them. Doing an AlAnon 10th Step regularly will help you maintain honest, loving relationships with the people in your life, because you will continually want to take responsibility for anything you have done to injure another person.
Some members of AlAnon try to do a daily AlAnon Tenth Step inventory during the time they say their morning or evening prayers. Many people spend a few minutes reflecting on the way that they have treated others during the day. If they realize that they mistreated someone, they try to make amends and repair the damage as quickly as possible. We have found that the quicker an issue is dealt with, the less harm it will do to ourselves or others.
Finally, sometimes you will realize that you have said or done something hurtful almost the minute you do it. You do not need to take a formal AlAnon Tenth Step inventory to realize that you need to make amends. Immediately take action and get it off your conscious. These immediate Tenth Steps will come to you more easily the longer you are in AlAnon. You will eventually discover that you look forward to the peace that comes from quickly repairing anything that damages your relationships.
~Deborah-Diane
If you have been unkind to someone you love, admit it and try to start your day over. This is the heart of the AlAnon Tenth Step ... promptly admitting when we are wrong.
By the time you have reached the Tenth Step of AlAnon, you are beginning to feel a sense of peacefulness. You have had the opportunity for self-examination and self-reflection. You have learned to trust the God of your understanding. You have made amends to people that you harmed. How can you retain this sense of peace and serenity? You do this through the AlAnon Tenth Step, which suggests that you continue to take personal inventories and, when you find you are wrong, promptly admit it. How often should we take a personal inventory? During the nearly 30 years I have been in AlAnon, I have learned that many people take a quick personal inventory on a regular basis and a more in-depth inventory every few years. Here are examples of some of the approaches made by different people.
Many members of AlAnon continue to use their Blueprint for Progress as part of a Tenth Step inventory that they do every couple of years. The Blueprint for Progress is a booklet full of questions we should ask ourselves as a way to evaluate our personal growth. It asks us questions such as "Am I responsible?", "Am I Controlling?” Am I Quick to Anger?" or "Am I Handling my Finances well?" As they re-read what they wrote the first time they did an inventory, they have the opportunity to see what progress they have made. If we see that we have been slipping up in our behavior, members will go back and repeat the AlAnon Seventh Step, in which we ask God to remove our defects of character. Then, if they want to be thorough, a member of AlAnon may occasionally repeat their Eighth and Ninth Steps in which they made a list of the people they had harmed and made amends to them. Doing an AlAnon 10th Step regularly will help you maintain honest, loving relationships with the people in your life, because you will continually want to take responsibility for anything you have done to injure another person.
Some members of AlAnon try to do a daily AlAnon Tenth Step inventory during the time they say their morning or evening prayers. Many people spend a few minutes reflecting on the way that they have treated others during the day. If they realize that they mistreated someone, they try to make amends and repair the damage as quickly as possible. We have found that the quicker an issue is dealt with, the less harm it will do to ourselves or others.
Finally, sometimes you will realize that you have said or done something hurtful almost the minute you do it. You do not need to take a formal AlAnon Tenth Step inventory to realize that you need to make amends. Immediately take action and get it off your conscious. These immediate Tenth Steps will come to you more easily the longer you are in AlAnon. You will eventually discover that you look forward to the peace that comes from quickly repairing anything that damages your relationships.
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Eleventh Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
The AlAnon Steps are intended to make us feel more at ease in our relationships with other people, as well as in our relationship with a Higher Power.
You have been working the 12 Steps of AlAnon for some time if you have now reached the Eleventh Step. You have made a personal inventory, and tried to live a better life. You have made a list of everyone you harmed in the past, and did your best to apologize for those actions. Now, if the Eleventh Step, you are ready to make prayer and meditation an important part of your daily life. The Eleventh Step of AlAnon is designed to help you keep a bit of balance in your life; to open you up to the possibility that God is working in your life.
When you are taking the AlAnon Eleventh Step, you will use prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with the God of your understanding. In your prayers, you are instructed to ask only for knowledge of His will for you and the power to carry it out. This is such a simple, but powerful prayer. You no longer have to feel responsible for making all the decisions. You are asking God to show you what he wants from you, and give you the ability to do it. You're leaving the big decisions up to him. This is a very freeing prayer.
Over my years in AlAnon, I have known people who have come to AlAnon from different backgrounds and religious experiences. AlAnon Family Groups exist throughout the world. What are some of the ways our members incorporate prayer and meditation into their daily lives?
For some people, prayer has always been a constant part of their lives. If this is true of you, continue to pray on a regular basis, just as you always have. However, take a few minutes to assess the content of your prayers. Are you asking God for the things that you want? The Eleventh Step suggests that you ask God to reveal His will for you, and that He give you the power to carry it out. This new way to pray may seem awkward, at first, especially if you have been praying for the health or success of someone other than yourself. However, as we begin to see God's hand working in the lives of others, we will come to understand that he sees and understands things that we can't possibly comprehend. Peace comes from accepting God's will in all things.
On the other hand, if you are not accustomed to praying at all, doing an AlAnon Eleventh Step at all may seem strange and uncomfortable for you. The best way to become comfortable with prayer is to set up a regular time for your prayer and meditation. Each time you pray, focus on a problem or concern that you have. Then, ask God to give you knowledge of His will for you in dealing with this problem, and that He give you the ability to carry out His will. Don't expect a light bulb to go off, or to hear a voice from above. However, gradually, you will come to see a different way of tackling your problems. Slowly you'll see that every problem is eventually resolved, although it may not happen in the way you originally expected.
Finally, some people feel uncomfortable with prayer in any form, but prefer to meditate, instead. If this is your situation, then plan and organize your meditations in a meaningful way. You may prefer to have absolute silence, simply trying to keep your mind empty, as much as possible. Or, you may want to listen to soft music or a guided meditation tape. However you approach your time for meditation, you will still be able to use it as a way of fulfilling your AlAnon Eleventh Step. Although you will be meditating, instead of praying, you will still ask the universe or the Higher Power in your life, to guide you in your actions. You, too, will see how the Eleventh Step meditation will begin to bring you peace, serenity and acceptance. You may not understand everything that happens in your life, but you will often see how your personal Higher Power is using it for good.
Practice making prayer and meditation a daily part of your life, and you will be surprised how much peace and serenity it will bring you.
~Deborah-Diane
The AlAnon Steps are intended to make us feel more at ease in our relationships with other people, as well as in our relationship with a Higher Power.
You have been working the 12 Steps of AlAnon for some time if you have now reached the Eleventh Step. You have made a personal inventory, and tried to live a better life. You have made a list of everyone you harmed in the past, and did your best to apologize for those actions. Now, if the Eleventh Step, you are ready to make prayer and meditation an important part of your daily life. The Eleventh Step of AlAnon is designed to help you keep a bit of balance in your life; to open you up to the possibility that God is working in your life.
When you are taking the AlAnon Eleventh Step, you will use prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with the God of your understanding. In your prayers, you are instructed to ask only for knowledge of His will for you and the power to carry it out. This is such a simple, but powerful prayer. You no longer have to feel responsible for making all the decisions. You are asking God to show you what he wants from you, and give you the ability to do it. You're leaving the big decisions up to him. This is a very freeing prayer.
Over my years in AlAnon, I have known people who have come to AlAnon from different backgrounds and religious experiences. AlAnon Family Groups exist throughout the world. What are some of the ways our members incorporate prayer and meditation into their daily lives?
For some people, prayer has always been a constant part of their lives. If this is true of you, continue to pray on a regular basis, just as you always have. However, take a few minutes to assess the content of your prayers. Are you asking God for the things that you want? The Eleventh Step suggests that you ask God to reveal His will for you, and that He give you the power to carry it out. This new way to pray may seem awkward, at first, especially if you have been praying for the health or success of someone other than yourself. However, as we begin to see God's hand working in the lives of others, we will come to understand that he sees and understands things that we can't possibly comprehend. Peace comes from accepting God's will in all things.
On the other hand, if you are not accustomed to praying at all, doing an AlAnon Eleventh Step at all may seem strange and uncomfortable for you. The best way to become comfortable with prayer is to set up a regular time for your prayer and meditation. Each time you pray, focus on a problem or concern that you have. Then, ask God to give you knowledge of His will for you in dealing with this problem, and that He give you the ability to carry out His will. Don't expect a light bulb to go off, or to hear a voice from above. However, gradually, you will come to see a different way of tackling your problems. Slowly you'll see that every problem is eventually resolved, although it may not happen in the way you originally expected.
Finally, some people feel uncomfortable with prayer in any form, but prefer to meditate, instead. If this is your situation, then plan and organize your meditations in a meaningful way. You may prefer to have absolute silence, simply trying to keep your mind empty, as much as possible. Or, you may want to listen to soft music or a guided meditation tape. However you approach your time for meditation, you will still be able to use it as a way of fulfilling your AlAnon Eleventh Step. Although you will be meditating, instead of praying, you will still ask the universe or the Higher Power in your life, to guide you in your actions. You, too, will see how the Eleventh Step meditation will begin to bring you peace, serenity and acceptance. You may not understand everything that happens in your life, but you will often see how your personal Higher Power is using it for good.
Practice making prayer and meditation a daily part of your life, and you will be surprised how much peace and serenity it will bring you.
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Taking the Twelfth Step in AlAnon
~Deborah-Diane
People of all ages reach out to each other through AlAnon. It has helped millions of men and women cope with alcoholism and drug addiction in their families.
The Twelfth Step is the last part of the AlAnon 12 Step program. You may not realize it, yet, but taking the AlAnon steps has led you on a spiritual journey. Now that you have had this spiritual awakening, you are asked to share it by carrying the AlAnon message to others, and practicing the principles of AlAnon in all your affairs. As a long-time member of AlAnon, I am taking the Twelfth Step when I write these articles on AlAnon and spread the message to my readers. This is only one, small way to carry the message, however. Over the many years that I have been in AlAnon, I have seen the variety of ways in which members have been able to share the AlAnon message with others.
First, by the time you have reached the Twelfth Step of AlAnon, you will find that it has become a fully integrated part of your life. Many of your friends will be members of AlAnon. You will socialize with them, call them on the phone, and turn to them in times of crisis. In sharing your life with other members of AlAnon, you are carrying the message to them. Your life becomes the message.
Second, you will increasingly find opportunities to use AlAnon in your daily interactions with people who have never heard of the program. AlAnon will help you deal with people in many different types of situations. You may be surprised at how often someone will disclose their personal problems to you, and you will find opportunities to introduce them to AlAnon. You will also inspire others to want to be part of AlAnon, when you show that you are able to have a happy, satisfied life despite the chaos that has been caused by alcoholism. AlAnon is considered a program of attraction, rather than promotion. In other words, you aren't expected to go out and try to talk other people into joining AlAnon. Instead, you hope to live your life in such a way that, despite your problems, people realize you are leading a happy, well-balanced life. This will inspire some people to want to come to AlAnon.
From time to time, someone may ask you to take them to an AlAnon meeting. This is another way that many AlAnon members take the 12th Step. If there is not a conveniently located meeting in your community, you may also want to start a meeting. There are other reasons why you may want to start a new meeting. You may discover a need for a meeting that offers babysitting services for young mothers; perhaps you have a desire to start a Couples AlAnon meeting to help strengthen relationships; there may be people you know who would be more comfortable sharing in a meeting that is for men or women, only. Whatever the need, you may be the person who can help get it started.
Finally, we are taking the AlAnon 12th Step as we learn to practice the principles of AlAnon in all our affairs. This means that you will make every effort to be honest, responsible, kind, thoughtful, reliable and calm in all the events of your daily life, from work to family reunions. Although there will be times when events will try your patience and test your serenity, you will find that using the AlAnon principles will help keep you centered. Working the AlAnon Twelfth Step simply means that you have found a way to live a life that brings joy and peace not only to yourself, but to those you encounter!
~Deborah-Diane
People of all ages reach out to each other through AlAnon. It has helped millions of men and women cope with alcoholism and drug addiction in their families.
The Twelfth Step is the last part of the AlAnon 12 Step program. You may not realize it, yet, but taking the AlAnon steps has led you on a spiritual journey. Now that you have had this spiritual awakening, you are asked to share it by carrying the AlAnon message to others, and practicing the principles of AlAnon in all your affairs. As a long-time member of AlAnon, I am taking the Twelfth Step when I write these articles on AlAnon and spread the message to my readers. This is only one, small way to carry the message, however. Over the many years that I have been in AlAnon, I have seen the variety of ways in which members have been able to share the AlAnon message with others.
First, by the time you have reached the Twelfth Step of AlAnon, you will find that it has become a fully integrated part of your life. Many of your friends will be members of AlAnon. You will socialize with them, call them on the phone, and turn to them in times of crisis. In sharing your life with other members of AlAnon, you are carrying the message to them. Your life becomes the message.
Second, you will increasingly find opportunities to use AlAnon in your daily interactions with people who have never heard of the program. AlAnon will help you deal with people in many different types of situations. You may be surprised at how often someone will disclose their personal problems to you, and you will find opportunities to introduce them to AlAnon. You will also inspire others to want to be part of AlAnon, when you show that you are able to have a happy, satisfied life despite the chaos that has been caused by alcoholism. AlAnon is considered a program of attraction, rather than promotion. In other words, you aren't expected to go out and try to talk other people into joining AlAnon. Instead, you hope to live your life in such a way that, despite your problems, people realize you are leading a happy, well-balanced life. This will inspire some people to want to come to AlAnon.
From time to time, someone may ask you to take them to an AlAnon meeting. This is another way that many AlAnon members take the 12th Step. If there is not a conveniently located meeting in your community, you may also want to start a meeting. There are other reasons why you may want to start a new meeting. You may discover a need for a meeting that offers babysitting services for young mothers; perhaps you have a desire to start a Couples AlAnon meeting to help strengthen relationships; there may be people you know who would be more comfortable sharing in a meeting that is for men or women, only. Whatever the need, you may be the person who can help get it started.
Finally, we are taking the AlAnon 12th Step as we learn to practice the principles of AlAnon in all our affairs. This means that you will make every effort to be honest, responsible, kind, thoughtful, reliable and calm in all the events of your daily life, from work to family reunions. Although there will be times when events will try your patience and test your serenity, you will find that using the AlAnon principles will help keep you centered. Working the AlAnon Twelfth Step simply means that you have found a way to live a life that brings joy and peace not only to yourself, but to those you encounter!
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