Being Powerless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Being Powerless
Being Powerless
~Buddy T
Before I came into Al-Anon the concept of being powerless was totally foreign to me. I never once admitted that I was powerless, not once, ever. After all, I thought it was my job to "help" everybody. To make sure that everything worked right, and ran smoothly.
If everybody would just do it MY way, the world would work so much better!
There was this one little problem -- I was living with an alcoholic. I was sharing my life, my world, with someone who had a disease that caused them to be compelled to do something that was harmful to them. This made no sense, defied all logic, and left me baffled and confused.
Nothing I ever did worked. I was whipped. Angry. Frustrated. Lonely. Then Al-Anon told me that none of those things I did or didn't do mattered. I was powerless. I was dealing with a disease that denied it existed and that resisted treatment.
Admitting you are powerless may sound like giving up. Well, that's exactly where I was, I surrendered! But the steps don't stop with surrender. They continue with a path of recovery that gave me a new power, a new freedom, in realizing that it was NOT my job to decide when someone else was ready to begin recovery.
There is power greater than myself who is NOT powerless. A power that is in control and much more capable than I ever was. All I had to do to get that power in my life was to make a simple decision to turn it over to Him and sit back and watch it work in my life and the lives of others. Which, when you think about it, requires no real effort at all.
~Buddy T
Before I came into Al-Anon the concept of being powerless was totally foreign to me. I never once admitted that I was powerless, not once, ever. After all, I thought it was my job to "help" everybody. To make sure that everything worked right, and ran smoothly.
If everybody would just do it MY way, the world would work so much better!
There was this one little problem -- I was living with an alcoholic. I was sharing my life, my world, with someone who had a disease that caused them to be compelled to do something that was harmful to them. This made no sense, defied all logic, and left me baffled and confused.
Nothing I ever did worked. I was whipped. Angry. Frustrated. Lonely. Then Al-Anon told me that none of those things I did or didn't do mattered. I was powerless. I was dealing with a disease that denied it existed and that resisted treatment.
Admitting you are powerless may sound like giving up. Well, that's exactly where I was, I surrendered! But the steps don't stop with surrender. They continue with a path of recovery that gave me a new power, a new freedom, in realizing that it was NOT my job to decide when someone else was ready to begin recovery.
There is power greater than myself who is NOT powerless. A power that is in control and much more capable than I ever was. All I had to do to get that power in my life was to make a simple decision to turn it over to Him and sit back and watch it work in my life and the lives of others. Which, when you think about it, requires no real effort at all.
Recovered People Pleaser
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 391
Powerless was a concept I understood very well. Having survived 4 tornado's, I understood there was nowhere to run or hide, all you could do was prepare but no one could predict when or where the storm would or would not hit. No Rhyme, nor reason, the best warning you could get is that conditions were right for the formation of funnel clouds.
The minute they told me I was powerless, I was free - I understood there was not one blessed thing I could do. The end. No need to discuss. Detach meant Don't Even Try and Change Him. Got it. They told me alcoholism was progressive and that without the desire to recover the addict would die or end up in an institution.
They also were divided on some areas, some said make no major changes for 6 months, others said the courage to change was the initial prayer of AL-anon. Some said alcoholism was a disease others said no. I came to the conclusion change was necessary and whether or not it was a disease made no difference from my side of the street. For me it was unmanageable and had made my life so as well. Therefore the only action for me to take was to make major changes.. I sought employment in another city, moved to a rural environment and ended the hell of a so called relationship with the A.
I had never been happier, I was drama free with a program that told me what I needed to do step by step to have a full live. I was ready to live and let live. I began to build healthy relationships with a sponsor, my HP and others. I suffered some PTSD symptoms for a couple of months, but was excited to start over. My AH husband died shortly thereafter, & once I completed my employment contract I was able to return to my home town in better shape than I had been in years; emotionally financially and spiritually.
I owe the 12-Step program my life..literally. I have been an avid supporter now for over 20 years and plan to continue til my demise. I am so glad I made those changes, today I have a healthy marriage (10 yrs in April) a good support system and peace that I will never take for granted. I still have some scars from the abuse suffered as a result of my experience with alcoholism, but I am no victim. I survived and I recovered. Today Life is good.. There is .. a solution.
The minute they told me I was powerless, I was free - I understood there was not one blessed thing I could do. The end. No need to discuss. Detach meant Don't Even Try and Change Him. Got it. They told me alcoholism was progressive and that without the desire to recover the addict would die or end up in an institution.
They also were divided on some areas, some said make no major changes for 6 months, others said the courage to change was the initial prayer of AL-anon. Some said alcoholism was a disease others said no. I came to the conclusion change was necessary and whether or not it was a disease made no difference from my side of the street. For me it was unmanageable and had made my life so as well. Therefore the only action for me to take was to make major changes.. I sought employment in another city, moved to a rural environment and ended the hell of a so called relationship with the A.
I had never been happier, I was drama free with a program that told me what I needed to do step by step to have a full live. I was ready to live and let live. I began to build healthy relationships with a sponsor, my HP and others. I suffered some PTSD symptoms for a couple of months, but was excited to start over. My AH husband died shortly thereafter, & once I completed my employment contract I was able to return to my home town in better shape than I had been in years; emotionally financially and spiritually.
I owe the 12-Step program my life..literally. I have been an avid supporter now for over 20 years and plan to continue til my demise. I am so glad I made those changes, today I have a healthy marriage (10 yrs in April) a good support system and peace that I will never take for granted. I still have some scars from the abuse suffered as a result of my experience with alcoholism, but I am no victim. I survived and I recovered. Today Life is good.. There is .. a solution.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
Posts: 317
Originally Posted by Ifnotforgrace 
Powerless was a concept I understood very well. Having survived 4 tornado's, I understood there was nowhere to run or hide, all you could do was prepare but no one could predict when or where the storm would or would not hit. No Rhyme, nor reason, the best warning you could get is that conditions were right for the formation of funnel clouds.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
Posts: 317
I'm imagining someone planning an outdoor wedding, and the feelings of panic, fear, anger, sadness that can arise when a sudden storm blows thru. Surely we admit that we're powerless over the weather?
Or how about the people that refuse to leave their homes when a forest fire is bearing down on them. Can't we admit we're powerless over a wildfire?
Cancer. We can admit we're powerless over cancer...until it strikes close to home and then we focus on holistic medicine and experimental treatments and prayer circles to the point we're so focused on "beating cancer" that we forget to live.
If we can't admit we're powerless over things that are obviously out of our hands, how much more difficult is it to admit that we're powerless over the day to day things we face? A crying baby, running out of cereal, a rude driver, a boss with a bad attitude?
Admitting we're powerless, admitting we're not God, takes the enormous burden of trying to manage the world off our shoulders. It frees us to work on the only thing we really have any control over anyway...ourself. Right here, right now.
Or how about the people that refuse to leave their homes when a forest fire is bearing down on them. Can't we admit we're powerless over a wildfire?
Cancer. We can admit we're powerless over cancer...until it strikes close to home and then we focus on holistic medicine and experimental treatments and prayer circles to the point we're so focused on "beating cancer" that we forget to live.
If we can't admit we're powerless over things that are obviously out of our hands, how much more difficult is it to admit that we're powerless over the day to day things we face? A crying baby, running out of cereal, a rude driver, a boss with a bad attitude?
Admitting we're powerless, admitting we're not God, takes the enormous burden of trying to manage the world off our shoulders. It frees us to work on the only thing we really have any control over anyway...ourself. Right here, right now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
many people have initial strong resistance to the concept of powerlessness - it seems like a take away, the diminishing aspect of LOSS, being somehow reduced in size and ability.
when actually it's really just a process of elimination. once we know what it is we ARE powerless over....what do we have left? that which IS in our control!
People Places and Things. as NYCDglvr stated. i cannot control the weather, the tides, the seasons, i cannot control and direct the thoughts and actions of others and i probably can't train the cat to sit on command. the Earth spins on her axis without any input from ME. electricity does it's thing and i don't even BEGIN to try understand how. i can't make it to Mars under my own power.
that leaves....me. what i choose to do. where i choose to go. who i choose to associate with. how i allow others to treat me. how i treat others. the words i use. if i am going to work today. what i do with my interests and creativity. how i function in whatever limiting circumstances might be present. in fact....being ME is a full time job. if i choose to punch in.
or i can waste my time standing on the sand commanding the tide to not roll in. and end up getting nothing but wet in the process.
when actually it's really just a process of elimination. once we know what it is we ARE powerless over....what do we have left? that which IS in our control!
People Places and Things. as NYCDglvr stated. i cannot control the weather, the tides, the seasons, i cannot control and direct the thoughts and actions of others and i probably can't train the cat to sit on command. the Earth spins on her axis without any input from ME. electricity does it's thing and i don't even BEGIN to try understand how. i can't make it to Mars under my own power.
that leaves....me. what i choose to do. where i choose to go. who i choose to associate with. how i allow others to treat me. how i treat others. the words i use. if i am going to work today. what i do with my interests and creativity. how i function in whatever limiting circumstances might be present. in fact....being ME is a full time job. if i choose to punch in.
or i can waste my time standing on the sand commanding the tide to not roll in. and end up getting nothing but wet in the process.
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