Well, this reply to elizabeth's awesome pay/owe syndrome post turns out to be longer, perhaps than it should've, but i was in need of sharing and did not want to risk starting a new thread...sorry to other users for this long one.
I'm having the chance to see a corollary to the pay/owe syndrome is the rescue syndrome - A part of me is playing out some need for attention (?) by offering "help" to people, that I shouldn't be offering, or not without "warnings" to myself! I'm stressed out/overwhelmed by my own problems yet I have this super-duper need to rescue others.
I think it comes from this underlying belief that if I take care of them, that somehow it will help take care of my own problems. And that's never true, exactly. My problems are separate and apart from the other person's. I might gain something by talking with them about their problem, but not if I feel responsible for the other person afterwards, which I invariably do and it is frustrating!
After I share with them, or they with me, I have trouble seeing the boundary between them and me.
Also afterward, I start to think about how much I helped this person, how much time I spent on the phone with them, and regret it especially if the person was too much (?). I wonder, how much time will i have to spend with this person if they call again? When their next call will come? It becomes this scary thing.
I am just not good at setting boundaries and this fear is beginning to play out...
Thanks for letting me share...