Selhan, I hope if you really want out, you will find a way if you can in the next few years. I know I spent way too many years in this type of lifestyle. But I believe its truly for the best for me. I have made myself find my own life again, though it has been hard after almost 20 years of concentrating on his "alcoholism" instead of my own happiness and health. At times its tough, there were a lot of good times (when he wasn't drinking), and I know he loved his kids and me, but his first love will always be alcohol, and I dont want to be second to it. There is no respect left for this man, and thats why i could not stay married to him. I am thankful that he gave me two great daughters. you take care and i will say a prayer that all works out for you.