i keep imagining he will find someone new and that he will love them enough to not be this way.
Oh, I have been there, done that.
Mr. Big (my husband) and I divorced back in 1990. We were divorced for three years, then remarried after almost all that time in counseling. BUT... there was a time, probably close to 9 months, that we did not see each other or talk (other than to trade kids).
I had those EXACT same thoughts.
But you know, he got what he needed during that time... some space to figure out what he wanted and what he was losing and the will to make BIIGG BIIIGGG BIIIIGGGGGG changes to make it work again.
If this is just a break, I hope you can use it, too, to figure out who you are, what you want, and as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz said, "to find my heart's desire".
My sponsor calls it trying to be the "brightest, shiniest me I can be". Like a bright, new penny. I love that analogy.
I am so glad you are here... keep posting, keeping asking questions, and your strength and wonderful insight will help you through this time. You are in my prayers and on my heart today.
(((hugs)))