Lisa, Hi...Wow you have been through so much. I'm so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. You seem to recognize that your life experiences have been impacting the choices you have made in relationships. I think that is an excellent start to wanting to work on yourself and heal.
I hope you will reach out to as many support services as you can to help you during this difficult time. If you can find meetings, the support there is excellent. Please keep reading and posting - there are lots of caring people here who really understand.