Welcome Lisa….
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Is it possible for your parents to help get you back home?
I remember what it felt like to hit my bottom, it was crushing and I guess I had to get that bad before I would surrender.
My ex-abf had been sober a month when my bottom came, he came home from an AA meeting and told me he was not in love with me and he met a girl in AA that “understood” him. This was 3 weeks before Christmas, I actually had to take down the Christmas tree. I moved one week later with my daughter who was in her teens and did not need to see all this. I felt much like you describe.
I had to hit that hard cuz I’m stubborn. If I had not gotten to that point I would never have gone to Al-anon and start working on my recovery. I was just as sick as he was the only difference is that the Alcoholic was my drug of choice.
I just want you to know you are not alone. These feelings will pass though, I can promise you that. Hang in there, keep posting... it is good for your soul.