Hi Ariesgirl,
The first thing you wrote was that you understand you cannot control your husbands drinking. That’s good that you can see that, because it is most definitely true. And I don’t mean to sound sarcastic in anyway at all, it’s just hard for us codies to get to that place where we finally believe we can’t control them.
You could try sitting down and talking to your H (when he’s sober of course) and telling him exactly what you see going on and that you’re concerned about having enough money for the mortgage and the bills, and that you’re considering starting a separate account to ensure the funds are there. Would he be receptive to that?
My experience with my AH, when he was actively using was to do the same thing. In fact I went so far as to take his name off of everything, including any joint accounts we had. We were always short on money and I knew it was due to his carelessness and addiction and I was determined to control it. What I discovered is that alcoholics are conniving and deceiving and they WILL find a way to fund their habit no matter what.
I don’t think there’s any easy answer to this when the financial cost of their addiction begins to cause issues with taking care of the basic necessities and paying the bills.
Besides telling him exactly what you see and what your solution is, I don’t know what else you could do. Maybe some others will have something better to offer as a suggestion. My AH is in recovery now, but financially we are a mess. Maybe being confronted like that would help your H take a step in the right direction?