All of this living our OWN lives is so much easier said than done and believe me...I KNOW it tonight.
I've known for weeks that my alcoholic husband was having this stinking party and I made plans to get away, plans fell through.
I may NEW plans for today but you see, I have these little people that live here called kids and one had a birthday party to go to and the other came down with a bad earache so guess what happened??
I was stuck in this stinking house all day with his stinking friends and their stinking booze and of course...even though he said "Oh I'm not drinking, I just had surgery 3 days ago..." YEP, you guesed it, he was drinking and having himself a good old time!
Some of them are nice and social drinkers but they sure had a belly full today!!!!
I just don't think I can do this. I just don't think I can give this 6 months to decide what to do. I love my husband with all my heart but I am going off the deep end here tonight and I don't know if it's from him drinking or from my detachment and telling him not to even come near me until at least tomorrow and him not listening and his token little visits in here to poor me. It all just makes me wanna vomit and run away as far as I can.
I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!! I SWEAR I HATE IT. I am TRYING so hard to change and work this and be a new me and not freak out every time this happens but I CAN'T leave and just go when I want to. So many times circumstances with the kids and so on just make it impossible.
I was all ready this morning. I had my shower and I was dressed and ready to go and then my son comes up sick and my daughter had this party to go to and it all just went downhill from there.
I was trapped. I AM TRAPPED.
I was reading from my books...the parts that really applied to today and I'm telling you nothing helped me.
I keep telling myself that tomorrow is another day and I'll be stronger. I have to be or I'm telling you, I am SO OUT OF HERE.