Al-anon is the best place I've ever been. I've been to counselling alone and with my AH several times but I have never felt as at home as I did when I walked in that room and sat down.
I feel that way here too. I thank God I found both in one week and it has been a week from hell let me tell you. Not completely because of AH but because of druggie brother, enabling Mom, AH having surgery and work being over the top stressful with this crazy worm virus that's out there.
My only regret is that for now, I can only make two meetings a week because of other obligations. I am trying to rearrange things though so that I can go to more.
Today, I had a bit of a confrontation with my sister in law over AH. I told her I wasn't going on my overnight trip with my friends because I couldn't count on AH to take care of the kids. I had asked her to keep them but she said she had plans, which turned out not to be true.
Her statement to me simply blew my mind and is positive proof that people who are not married to alcoholics have no idea what we as wives and mothers have to go through, just for 24 hours of "me" time.
She said, "You know, it's not that the kids aren't great and we love having them but HE needs to take care of his own kids once in a while!"
MY JAW DROPPED!
I fired back,"And when are you all ever gonna face the fact that the man is an alcoholic??? How many years have I had to give up doing things, dealt with his awful behavior and listened to all of you say how I should leave him because he treats me so badly??? IS THAT A NORMAL MAN TO YOU? Do normal healthy men stay out all night drinking on the weekends with total disregard as to whether or not their houses are burning down or god forbid one of the kids gets hurt or sick??? Does YOUR husband do these things??? You complain about your husband too but your complaints are NORMAL things like he didn't mow the lawn or he forgot to pay a parking ticket. Has he ever come home so drunk that he forgot where he left the CAR????"
Well, her answer actually surprised me..."Well, since you put it that way, I guess it really makes sense. He really doesn't seem to care very much as far as all the things he's done and put you through and I guess I'm lucky, my husband (her husband is my husband's older brother) really is pretty normal."
I replied "Well, trust me, it took me 9 years to figure it all out but I stopped listening to what he says and started watching what he does and it all hit me like a brick wall. He is NOT a normal husband who is a little lazy at times, he is an ALCOHOLIC and I feel completely comfortable saying that now. Hopefully, the whole family will be able to face it eventually too"
I won't hold my breath on that thought though.
I love my husband dearly. Before things got really bad, we had good times together. He was loving and attentive and fun, as long as he wasn't drinking. I think alcoholism just gets worse and worse as time goes by if they don't get into recovery. That is for sure what has happened in our life. They're tired a lot more, they become less and less interested in the family life and the more they grow to need that drink, the grouchier and more critical they become of those around them from the resentment they feel from the pressure to stop drinking.
Last friday night was my last explosion of anger and resentment, in response to his drinking. I've given it enough attention for one lifetime. Besides, he doesn't remember most of it anyway. The next day he's all lovey dovey and acts as if nothing ever happened.
I too have a Jeckle and Hyde. Jeckle is my dream guy! Hyde is my worst nightmare. I think I'll only interact with Mr. Jeckle from now on and hope that Mr. Hyde someday goes away and never comes back but I know I have to do it all one day at a time.
Good Luck.